This is a dilemma no ones wants to face.What is your advice on forgiving for a spouse who has been unfaithful. I do not know the degree of unf. but?
It is up to you to forgive her. It will take time for her to gain your trust. You both have to want to work this out also. Good luck.What is your advice on forgiving for a spouse who has been unfaithful. I do not know the degree of unf. but?
DON'T FORGIVE THE SPOUSE!!!! sure u love eachother but your spouse aparently loved someone else 2. they don't deserve 2 be with u if they cheated on you!!!!!
I don't know what to tell you about this because it's on you to decide what you can and cannot get over. I've been there and my husband did it about 10 years ago and the truth is it has never gone away in my heart. I still hurts the same and actually
the trust will never be there no matter how hard you try. Of course people are different and you may find it easier to forgive and forget. I don't think the love will ever be the same, it may be different, may be better, but if you let it, you will dwell on it until it changes the person you are. Think long and hard before making this choice one way or the other.
go separate ways
aside from your very difficult to read writing, I would say leave her. Women expect that a man cant live without them, and shes testing you. And if you do beg her to stay she knows she can get away with it.
Most couples cannot heal betrayal and rebuild trust without counseling. Counseling should be a condition for the relationship continuing.
I have also been in a similar situation, my boyfriend cheated on me after being together for four years. We broke up for a while, but both learned that it was not the best answer for us. We got back together, and I do not regret that decision. It has taken a lot of time but I have learned to live with the past. For a while, it was hart to trust him again, and believe that he really loves me, and that he has learned from his mistakes. He had to work on getting my trust back, as he had to earn back my love. In the end, as I said I learned to live with the past, and even though I would not be able to forget completely, my life would be worse without him... Do what your heart tells you. If you need to, take some time before you make a decision.
My husband cheated on me a few years into our marriage. It's very difficult, and I'm sorry you and your wife are going through this. You need to start by being completely honest with each other. Both of you take a day off of work, go to a coffee shop (Public place might keep you both from yelling), and talk it all out, completely. If you can't do that, you have no future together, kids or not. Find out everything that happened, and the extent to which she was unfaithful. Then begin to set boundaries together. Couples therapy IS ESSENTIAL! Tell her you love her, and you're going to stand by her, but you need complete honesty from now on. All lies must stop immediately. If you find that she still wanders even after this conversation, you must make plans to move on without her, regardless of how hard that will be. Good luck to you. Trust will take a long time-I know. But if you love each other and your kids, you have to try.
this is a difficult situaution which you can only choose the path to resolve. if you choose to forgive her then that means exactly that...you MUST FORGIVE...however, the pain and memory of it will always remain.
explain to her that she is the one who has completely changed your relationship forever...it didnt matter if it was a kiss or full blown sex...a cheater is a cheater.
its happened to me and i have forgiven...but i will never forget.
you can forgive her if you really think she's worth it.
good luck :)
Sorry about this.
I would recommend couple's therapy, you need to be able to work this out with someone.
You also might need individual therapy (I suggest with a male therapist) to deal with your real, valid, painful feelings.
Can you go talk to a marriage counselor? You dont want your marriage ';fixed'; at Yahoo's website by folks like us...we're all well-meaning but we wont get to the underlying issues the way a trained counselor will.
Leave her, she did it once that you found out about, how many times has she done it that she didn't tell you? She may say ';it won't happen again'; but you'll never truly trust her, any time she goes out with friends you will be second guessing and wondering what she's really doing.
Im confused. WHo cheated on who?
if you love your wife you will forgive her this time. but if she does it again you have to think of you and the kids because shes not.. The first time is the hardest, but if it keep happening you will know its time to leave.
This information must be very hurtful to you and you are right in wondering if you can learn to forgive her. I would suggest that you might seek some sort of counseling, even if for only a little while. Because you have children, the two of you have to figure out what you are going to do, and figure it out without anger or ';blaming';, in front of the children. There will naturally be tension, tears and high emotions.
Whether or not you can trust your wife again, or if you even want to, will depend in large part on her behavior from here on out. It will also depend on whether this was a one night stand, a long term affair, or a series of infidelities. Was your marriage troubled before you found out about your wife's indiscretion?
Good luck. It is indeed a dilemma no one wants to face.
Honey, why bother?
She does NOT love you, because if she did, she could not have betrayed you.
If you forgive her, she will see that as a license to keep cheating. Do not stay with a terrible cheat for the children...they will get as hurt as YOU eventually!
Over the years I have had girlfriends who cheated on me and I got used to it.
In fact I often encouraged her to dress hot because I like to watch guys check her out.(At parties or clubbing, lots of girls are happy to go braless under dresses and some even don't bother with panties.) As long as its just a quickie on holiday or a hook up at club it does not threaten our relationship, which is more emotional.
Just talk with your wife and ask her if she just did it because she was horny. It that is all, then relax. Look at peopletellall.com and you'll hear more.
Best of luck
I think you are a very strong person to want to take her back. I couldn't do that. I would always wonder what she was doing every second she wasn't with me. Did she ever say why she did this? I would find out why and maybe get some counceling if needed. If you do stay with her, you would have to forgive and forget and never bring it up, even in an argument. I also wouldn't stay together ';for the children';. That's the worst thing to do. Hopefully everything works out and you can put the past behind you and continue with your family. I hope I was able to help you. :o)
Forgiveness is the result of the healing needed over time. You're not a remote control---you can't turn yourself ON and OFF. Forgiveness and acceptance is going to take time. It is up to your wife to make sure that you are feeling a sense of security---it is NOT up to you to work at it. It's up to her.
Yes..that's what love is. Kind, patient, forgiving, not judging, accepting faults in each other.
It will take time to get over the pain..some marriage counseling may help you both to move on..and stay together. No one is perfect..except GOD...and he forgives..so we gotta do it too!
Your right. It is one of the worst things a couple can go through. But you can get through it. If you can understand why your wife did what she did, and believe her when she says it won't happen again.
That doesn't mean you'll be able to trust her right away. Believing she means it, and trusting her are two different things. You'll be very suspicious for a while. And that suspicion, even if she remains faithful, will put stress on the marriage.
So if you want the best chance to make it work, get some marriage councelling, or talk to your minister (etc) at church if you go.
But the main thing to do now is keep the lines of communication open. make sure your hearing what she's saying and vice versa.
I hope you both can work through it.
Well, you can talk face to face with her about your relationship, and her thoughts on it. Didi you find out she was unfaithful, or did she tell you? If you had to find out, that's a reallly bad sign. If she told you, it means she really cared about you, and feels really bad.
Mmm well if you have kids you have to provide an environment that is going to be good for them. So you and your wife can either live together and be civil to one another, or you can't. Don't stay together for the kids' sake though if all you're going to do is fight. As for forgiving her, as I said, you can or can't. This will reflect on whether or not you can still live together without fighting.
It's easy for people to say leave her but they are not in your situation. People make mistakes that's human nature. If you love her and she loves you I would try to figure out through counseling what went wrong. Most people cheat for a reason unhappy, feeling unloved, bored they don't realize what they have...... so on and so on. If you both want to work it out I would go for it tell the truth and start talking to each other slowly trust will come back if both parties want the relationship it will happen but never blame your self for someone Else's inadequacies. Good luck.
no one wants to face it but you're not alone. i'm in the same situation. you can forgive all you want but she has to want to be forgiven. if she does, do it. do it for yourself first and then for your kids. but she has to want it as much as you do. it may not be now it may not be this month or this year. im sitting here waiting after three months. how long are you willing to wait. id like to think im just getting started, but you can only take it one day at a time
im sure your still in love ,, but once a cheater always a cheater
i agree with 1st- time
It's wonderful that you love her, but even so you should be careful. Be nice to each other for the sakes of the kids, but you two have to build up your trust up for each other. Life is never going to be different now and even if you forgive her, it's going to be difficult for all of you.
no you are wrong if she loved you it wouldnt of happened.
if you think theres a chance your relationship can be saved then go and see a counciler together
If you love her and she loves you that is all that matters! You made commitments to each other for better or worse and this is definatley worse. I would seek counseling to help with the issues of trust and communication. There is a reason she cheated in the first place and you need to find out that reason and get to the bottom of it! I know that your kids will appreciate the effort you put into staying together and falling in love with each other again!!!
It is a poor way to begin, but I have not been unfaithful in marriage nor do I think any of my three wives have been. So I lack from direct experience.
I guess, it is best to think in two stages: first is forgiving after lots of talk and questions of why she did it (without you suggesting any blame). If you can listen, really listen, draw her out.... Maybe you have not been satisfying her sensual needs. Maybe that is what you will learn. If so....go on and ask (not easy to listen) what exactly did the other do that she found satisfying. Does she want the same from you? Maybe she is bored and needed some excitment in her life. Find out. Then, move to a stage of talk about what will/can be (if enough) changed for her and you to re-connect. Maybe even going off for a weekend of exploring each other again in all the sexual ways possible. Maybe there are things she wants to do with you and is afraid to try. I recall one of my lovers (she still married) wanted to play with my balls, stick her fingers into them (Does this hurt?) because her husband didn't want them touched; she had a great disire to do that so I accommodated to satisfy her need. Another woman's husband didn't want to be sucked; she wanted to so very badly...so of course....later I discovered (she thanked me for giving advice on how to help him enjoy it) he is now satisfying her wish. Having children around is a turnoff. Go away for a weekend.
Now if the above is not going to satisfy you both, then rather than each of you taking other lovers, I suggest working out the matter of divorce in such a way neither of you losses contact with the children. It is not so bad if you can work together, but that will depend on how well you accomplish what I suggest in the first part.
Very best for the children and you both. Cheers
The most important thing here is to honestly know yourself and how what you mean by forgive compares to what your partner means by forgive. Can you deal with this situation, learn from it, allow it to help correct issues in your relationship and move forward both accepting their part in the situation?
Two common types of forgiveness are victim approaches... either you learn to expect a little less from the relationship and are always having to forgive or...you forgive but actually hold the betrayal like a trump card to allude to or draw out anytime there is any stress in the relationship.
just be sure you truly understand working through such a painful situation and consider professional counselling if required.
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