Advice much needed, possible cheating spouse!?

Ok, my husband has a bit of a track record.


Not with me...that I know of.


With his ex wife, he cheated on her..geez, more times than he can even recall.


But a bit in his defence, they had a horrible marriage and still stayed together.


I've been cheated on by my past boyfriends and my ex husband, so I could just be insecure, that could've made me jealous like I am.


Recently, he met up with an old friend...ok wait. I'm jumping ahead of myself.


He was in Iraq, came home in Dec. last year. While we were going through some paper work, I found a Valentines Day card from some girl, at the end, it said I love you, along with the X's and O's. Also, found a picture of her.


So of course, I'm gonna get a little upset about this.


Well, back to the girl he came back into contact with again, yup same ';old friend';.


He never deletes text messages or clears his call list.


But a few days after talking to her again, and me complaining about it, he deleted his call list.


Then he gets a text message one day. Doesn't check it until I'm not around. When I go into his phone, into his text messages, there is no new ones. He deleted it.


He tried to tell me he got no new text message.


But I know the sounds of his phone as well as I know my own.


I'm not stupid.


Well, a week ago, she texts him, again, well I can't say again since I don't know for sure if she's the one he got the first text from. But I really think she is. But that also, gets deleted.


Then last night, his phone says 2 new text messages from her. I didn't read them, but told him he has 2 messages from his girlfriend.


This morning, they are deleted as well.


When I asked him why he deleted them, he said I always delete stupid messages.


Remember up there I said he never deletes text messages??


I mean, NEVER. He has messages on there from his cell phone carrier that are of no importance what so ever.


I can't base my suspicion of him cheating on just text messages.


It's also the way he acts sometimes.


Recently, he took up driving around for no reason.


He'll just leave, say he's bored and wants to drive around.


Not coming back for hours.





I've tried talking to him about it, but he just gets upset and doesn't want to hear it. Telling me he's not cheating on me.


Blah blah, heard it before.


It may be nothing...but it still feels like something to me.





And please, no critisism. Don't judge me or tell me to respect his privacy.


We're married ok, and even if not, if only a serious relationship, I believe that everything should be shared and open. Unless you're trying to hide something..Advice much needed, possible cheating spouse!?
I would be suspicious, too. Your intuition should not be ignored. If anything, your past experience with cheaters allows you to spot the red flags sooner than most. Sorry to say, this seems like a red flag.





Have you checked the phone records on the bill? You could at least see the number and if all those texts were from the same phone.





I would back off of him for a while and see how he behaves. Let him assume that you've let this go, but do your own detective work. Usually, if you give someone enough rope, he'll eventually hang himself. You need evidence, and what you choose to do with it once you have it is up to you.Advice much needed, possible cheating spouse!?
I am sorry, but you are going to have to resort to following him or having him followed. These things always come out in the end, but due to the risk of STDs you have the right to know quickly what is going on.
he is not trustworthy
hes cheatting


SWEET MILDRED IS OUR LEADER.. COME CRAWL INTO HER PLAYPEN
You're right, it sounds like he may be trying to hide something. Explain your feelings to him in a calm, rational way (much like you did on here). Let him know that you love him and have faith in your relationship, but that you know the signs and you want to make sure that you're on the same page.





If he has nothing to hide he'll fess up to what was in those messages. If he doesn't then you need to figure out what your next move is going to be. Good luck.
You listen here woman and listen good...YES HE IS CHEATING and am not saying this out of assuming am saying this out of experience...If a man texts another woman way too much or she sends him messages at night or he gets mad your asking him where he's been or where he's going THAT MAN IS CHEATING plain and simple...And it's not your fault at all you sound like an good woman and he's the type of man who wants his cookies and his ice cream...Anyways follow him yes i said it follow him and if he goes in a house or apartment wait 15 or 20 min and go knock on the door of it don't leave until it's answered (you'll catch them red handed).Her or him would probably come to the door half dressed from their sex being interrupted.Or you could do this...Get his phone one day when he's not around and text her...Text normally like ';how are you'; or ';what your doing'; and if she's saying things like ';am fine baby'; or ';thinking of you daddi'; then he's caught! (no female ';friend'; talks that way to a married man)....I hope i've helped =)
Because of both of your pasts I would ask him to let you see all of the texts she sends....and if he says no, that would be a huge red flag. The fact that he is deleting them should tell you something. The fact that he is going for drives for ';hours'; sounds bad...check the milage in the car...if he is driving for hours, he should have some miles racked up and not to mention the amount of gas he would be going through. Next time he says he is going for a drive, insist on going with because you would like to get out and go as well.





The fact that he has a history means he knows all the tricks of the game. The fact that he has this past and texts an old girlfriend when he KNOWS it bothers you should tell you something.





In a healthy marriage, people respect each other. If I had a male friend that made my husband insecure, I would probably limit my contact with that person to only very public places or include my husband on everything. The peace of my husbands mind means more to me than anything and thank God, he is the same way with me.
I think you should end it. You'll never trust him, and now that you have accused him, he'll never trust you to trust him. Can you possibly see your situation getting better? What do you see as the solution that would make you happy? Even if he was messing around, and then honestly ended it, would you believe him? Would you trust him to not do it again? You will be forever suspicious, and he will be forever resentful of your lack of trust and your suspicion, justified or not. How do either of you win?





Sorry!
I can certainly understand your concern,it does sound very suspicious,however like you said you can't base it off of text messages.Do you have the same phone carrier as your husband? Maybe you could contact the phone carrier and see if they can trace the texts and maybe pull them up? Maybe it's crazy,I don't know,but it's worth a shot.When my ex-husband used to go for ';drives'; he was actually going to the payphone and calling his girlfriend,the only way I found out was because my best friend saw him there and told me.This pay phone incident was right after I came home and caught him on the phone with another one of my good friends(she was actually his girlfriend).
I hate to admit this, but take it from someone who has done that to thier spouse, you need to keep your eyes open, and you have every right, he is certainly up to something. Maybe not technically cheating, but something is going on, that he wants to keep to himself. Dont assume its cheating only right now...it could be something else. Just take care of it now, before it kills you. Like I said, i did this, and what you describe he is doing, is exactly what i did to my husband. Exactly
You know your husband cheated on his ex wife. Cheating can make any marriage horrible. Anyone can choose to stay with a cheating spouse but that doesn't mean the marriage will be good. I would be insecure if I knew my husband cheated on an ex wife in the past. Your husband didn't respect his ex wife and he doesn't respect you.





I would be concerned about the text messages. If his cell phone is a joint account you could request copies of the text messages from the phone company.





If he enjoys driving around that's fine. Ask him to go along for the rides and show you where he's been. If he's innocent he shouldn't have a problem with you joining him. He will probably get bored or the gas will get expensive if you are always riding with him.





You could try hiring a private investigator to follow him but it's expensive.