I don鈥檛 think I am in love with my spouse anymore. I care about him, and for the last 6 months I have been spending extra time with him, went on a vacation with him, alone, no kids, have sex more with him and am trying to make it work. But when I sometimes I look at him and just think about everything, that is this right? Am I cheating both of us out of a better love? And maybe we let our relationship go for too long and now it is gone. I think its only fair for me to add that 9 months ago, someone from my past confessed they still have feelings for me.(there was no affair, I told the other person I am married) I was really thinking of leaving my husband before I heard that, and then realized how serious my situation was. I couldn鈥檛 leave my husband for someone else I needed to do everything I can to make it work. But how long do I try? I am trying to keep the idea of the other guy out of my head, and keep that separate. But when I am honest with myself, I would not rule out a relationship with the other guy after I left my husband. Any good and advice on what to do?Need advice, not sure I love my spouse... help!!!?
Tic Toc Tic Toc.....time is running out. Your life is expiring, make up your mind. Seems like you've been in the marriage for too long. Get off the fence and make a decision. Live your life however you'll be happiest.Need advice, not sure I love my spouse... help!!!?
A seperation sounds like the best idea for you to clear your thoughts and work out what you want. Try not to take this other man into consideration until you know wether or not you want to be with your husband, and go over the right reasons.
Maybe it would be a good idea for you to go away by yourself for a while to take time away from both of them (and everyone else!) and work out what you want.
I don't believe people ';have feelings' after so long, I believe they have ';memories'; of either being once in love, or crushin, or lusting.
I have a feeling this ';past'; of yours is only in it, because their at a stand still or a bad time in their life. Seeing who will grab the bait! And you obviously have.
Don't really know what to tell you, because you are pretty much letting an old flame feed your feelings.
Give it a lot of time and thought. Two women i know left their decent husbands because they thought a stronger love was out there. What they really thought ';stronger love'; was turned out to be infatuation. They missed the newness of first falling in love. Both divorced and within 2 years deeply regretted their choices. Life and kids, jobs and housework make ';love'; take a back seat. Don't look for greener pastures, you are probably already there.
re: maybe we let our relationship go for too long and now it is gone.
take the time to learn about good relationship skills (google it) then either stay and work on it or leave and make a good one somewhere else.
If you don't leave now, you will only cause your husband more pain and you are denying him the chance to meet someone else sooner
Separate from your husband and see if your feeliongs are clearer before you initiate anything with someone new.
You need a temporary separation from your husband.
talk to your husband about,maybe he feels the same way...and if he is not open to communications about it maybe it is over
This sounds more like you are thinking of your husband as a boyfriend that you can just break up with because you don't feel like you like him the same. I bet you can talk to any couple out there that's been married for years and they will all tell you that there feelings for each other change. Sounds like you just miss the excitement of when things are new and can't handle the ';boredom'; of settling down. If that's the case, you would get bored with anybody because at some point, you have to live with that person everyday if you're committed to them. Try to appreciate the good things about being settled. The stability, the support you give each other, being able to depend on each other... etc... Remember that love is soooo very mutlifaceted and in this season, that's what you have with this man. So push through it and you will be thankful that you did, especially when you are old and your relationship with him will be so very special and not just based on the shallow butterfly feeling.
How long have you been married to your husband? It sounds like you are beginning to lose the excitement in the relationship. Which is normal. You can't stay excited forever, things calm down and things start to take on a steady pace. It doesn't mean that you don't still love your husband, it just means that your relationship is going to a different level. I would recommend dating again. Come home from work early and make a candle lit dinner and put on something sexy. Think back to some of the things you used to do when you were first dating and do some of the things you haven't done in a while. A lot of people choose to run when the relationship gets to this point, they think something's wrong and there's not. You made a commitment to your husband and that's something that's more important than excitement.
I've been married for 16 years to a great guy- There are times that I don't feel so 'in-love' with him as other times.
Marriage is not all about being 'in-love' all the time, but more about 'till death do us part' commitment.
As long as he has been faithful and respectful to you.... it would be a mistake to leave him right now.
Take some time and remember why you first married him in the first place- how your life would be without him-
It might be just a phase you are going through that will pass.
Marriage takes work sometimes, and I'm sure you heard that before you married him.
You will probably never find anyone who will love your kids as much as he does, nor will you find anyone that your kids love as much as they love him- you are a family, and that is worth working for.
Good luck!
But that IS the problem. You're mixing your marital troubles with this outside party. Fix your marriage for it's own sake, not to keep from ';leaving your spouse for another';.
As lovingly as possible, tell your spouse of your concerns regarding your marriage. Try to think back to when you started thinking of and looking at him ';differently';. Then, go from that point forward.
What caused you to get to that point? What has kept you there? What's missing?
Talk!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't argue, blame, belittle or judge. And pray!
listen!
the other guy had the chance to ask or talk to you about both of you years ago. you did not tell us about his past to see why he told you this years later. how do you know if this guy rather you know him or not means what he told you. we would have to know some things about him to honestly answer your question right. if I where you I would still try to work with your husband to make your life better. and get this other man out of your mind. lets say you did leave your husband, lets say you dated this other man. let's say it winded up being you made a big mistake, lets say your husband then found an other woman and she treated him better than you treated him and you wanted him back,, then lets say he said no to you. and he tells you he loves her now because she shows him love and your kids. well you lose and he wins, you are now looking for another man if you can find a good man who will love you, think about what your really doing is all your thoughts of not loving your husband worth it. think about it good luck cause your going to need it, in your future
ok i think since you not sure dont make any big moves. figure out wat stimulate you 2 togather be4 then i would say to myself wats fun that we never done be4, then try it, i would think about in a sexual matter, if no ideals i would get books, to see wat i havent done. maybe you both need to commicated differently . but ask your self are you going to feel missing or lost with out this person.wat are you gainin by stayin with him or leaving.
does your spouse know of your concerns? a marriage is a partnership of 2 individuals to form one unit. it is difficult to work on it alone.
you need to identify the underling issues that are preventing you from feeling fulfilled in your marriage.
if you haven't spoken to your spouse, then sit him down and tell him about your concerns. let him know that you are trying to make it work, but you need his help. if he loves you (and let's assume that he does) he will be at first shocked to hear that there are problems and then want to do whatever is necessary to address the issues.
like a garden a marriage needs to be worked every day to keep it thriving.
Hello Smiles, based on what you have written you seem to be torn between your emotions, yourself, your husband %26amp; kids, and this other person.
You have some thinking to do.
If you really think that the fire is gone from you life with this person you have decided to marry, maybe you knew nothing of this word we call LOVE from the get go. What is going to happen when you feel this way about your KIDS?
Oh, that will never happen, you have unconditional love for them, but not for him. I am not attempting to make you feel guilty, I dont know what it is he is doing, it takes to for these type of emotions and feelings to get to a level to were you want to leave.
I think maybe you guys should re-define your partnership, have a talk this Sunday about it.
Here, Sunday, this Sunday is a good day, bake a cake, strawberry cake with cheesecake frosting, while the cake is in the oven the smell will drive him crazy, he will come into the kitchen. When he turns his back give him a hug from behind, kiss him on the back, rug his chest and send him on his way.
after it is done, cut some for you and him and who ever else, this is the time to talk, talk, love and enjoy each others presence, you never know when it will be the last.
Oh dont forget the ice cream, strawberry.peace and good luck.
You need to follow your heart ..it will tell you where you need to be. It was a good decision not to leave him for someone else ...if you do decide to leave, it's a huge decision, and it needs to be done for YOU. My divorce just became final ...we both agreed that we just didn't have the same feelings that we thought were needed to be in a healthy marriage. Now, we are talking ....and we are getting along ...and although we both love each other, and respect each other ...we know that we're just better off as friends.
I wish you all the best ..it will not be easy, no matter what you choose to do ...but in the end, it will all be ok ..if it's not, then it's not the end.
Love is not the same at all times during the life of a marriage. It ebbs and flows like the tide. Some times you feel very passionate and special and other times you feel totally alone and isolated. As any relationship lengthens, it changes because the people in it change. Have you talked to your husband about how you feel? Sex is not the cure all in relationships---it is effective and compassionate communication along with trust, committment, and honor along with endurance.
Oh, yeah, and don't count on the guy from your past being the man of your future. They generally are alone for a reason. He is just a temptation that adds to the problems you already have in your marriage. I truly think your marriage can be saved if that is what you want. Life boils down to not having what you want, but wanting what you have!
Good luck!
LOVE is a commitement to serve, respect and put your spouse and your lifelong relationship above everything else. Love is self-sacrificing. Love is NOT a feeling that you have one day and not another... that stuff is for teenagers.
Now, the bright side is... when you love in that self-sacrificing way, your relationship becomes precious... and (providing you picked a reasonbly compatibile spouse) their heart can't help but melt and return you the same behavior. Thats when the love feeling is the strongest...
Dear Smiles,
To be honest you already have your answer. You know it already.
Don't cheat yourself out of a chance for real love. Don't waste your life in unhappiness. I have no doubt someone religious will tell you that your married for ever for better or worse and that's it. Don't buy it. I wasted too much of my life and I am now 54 and starting all over. All I know is that I am happy for the first time in over twenty-five years. I just wish I had the years back. I don't know if I can recover what I know I missed and lost. I will try, but now I am old and it is so much harder. I could use a few prayers.
Randy
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