My husband pasted away in June and we had a prenup agreement.. When it came time for the funeral the family, cops and funeral home kicked me out and I was not allowed to attend the furneral.. Was this a violating of my surviving spousal rights since there was nothing I did that was wrong.. I just wanted our wedding picture in the casket and the family was real upset about it and so the cops and furneal home asked me to leave.. I feel this was totally wrong and I thought I had 1st rights being the survivng spouse!! Do I have a lawsuit against all involved..Also the family kicked me out of the home and will not give me my things, even took my cat... Please Help Me.. I need some good advice here!!I need Legal advice on what surviving spouses rights are in the State Of Michigan.. Real advice Please!!!?
A law called the Uniform Premarital Agreement Act provides legal guidelines for people who wish to make agreements before marriage regarding ownership, management and control of property; property disposition on separation, divorce and death; alimony; wills; and life insurance benefits.
When a couple divorces in some states, each party keeps his or her separate property (so long as it was maintained separately during the marriage and not commingled with marital funds). If the parties have not reached an agreement, the court divides the marital property in the proportion that it deems ';just'; after considering all relevant factors. If you entered the marriage with a house or investment portfolio or an inheritance, and kept title to those assets separate during the marriage, these assets will be considered your separate assets and not subject to division. HOWEVER, the increase in value in those assets during the marriage, as well as any assets purchased with income from your original assets, will be considered marital property and subject to division upon divorce.
Keep in mind as well, that income contributed during the marriage to a retirement plan (such as a 401(k)) would be considered marital property. Further, the increase in value of your retirement account during the marriage is marital property. Consequently, upon divorce, the court could grant your spouse certain rights to your retirement plan account.
A prenuptial agreement allows the engaged couple to alter the definitions of “separate” and “marital” assets in order to protect their assets and control distribution of assets upon death or divorce.
Ok first you need to find a copy of your prenup, second those kids can not just kick you out of the house. You have a right to your stuff. I would call the cops and they will let you in It is the law. Second I would call a lawyer and explain everything, and give him a copy of the prenup and go from there. I wish you the best of luckI need Legal advice on what surviving spouses rights are in the State Of Michigan.. Real advice Please!!!?
OMG! FIrst off, in MOST states, the spouse is the next of kin. I don't know about Michigan but I am positive you can find out. Contact an attorney for legal advise. I
don't know what was in the pre-nup but you need to take that with you when you see the attorney.
I am so sorry for your loss. I don't see how you could have been turned away at the funeral home unless you were causing a scene. Asking to place a photo in the casket was not out of the ordinary.
Contact an attorney. Most offer a free consult and see what your rights are.
Good luck.
Try the links in http://www.freewebs.com/legaladvice/
The best advice is go to see an attorney and get him to evaluate your case.
Try the links in http://www.freewebs.com/legaladvice/
Wow. Get a damn good lawyer. Spare no money. How callous those people are. Goodluck
I definately encourage you to see a lawyer!!! Good luck to you. Sorry for your loss!! Call the police so you can get into the house and get your things!!!
I'm guessing the cops asked you to leave because everyone was yelling and screaming and the funeral home dialed 911 and when they got there they said who started this and everyone said you did, so they made you leave. Just like any other family dispute, no matter where. So you don't have a lawsuit for the funeral home incident if you showed your ***, they showed their asses and everyone got upset. You don't have any actual damages, what are you going to sue for??
You do have the right to enter your own home, no matter how pissed everyone is, so you can go to the sheriff or police dept and tell them the situation, show proof you have ownership of the property, and ask for a police escort to go get your property. If they refuse, you'll need an attorney to file a civil suit against them for the value of the lost property.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Advice from military spouses?
Well its about that time:) my love and I are getting married.... finally lol
So I'm obbsesed with organization... and just wondering if you have any advice on getting paperwork... and all that wonderful stuff done efficiently and anything i need to do first... like most important... or something that i might forget? Just looking for websites or any advice you all may have:) thanks!Advice from military spouses?
The military is huge on taking care of family members. They have services coming out the ears to help you with everything you need.
The Military is a different type of life style... but it can be a very rewarding one.Advice from military spouses?
Get a will, enroll your kids in DEERS, and have a family care plan. Also, start planning for his deployments NOW!!! You will be in charge of everything. Make sure the finances are covered. Consider all possibilities.
GOOD LUCK!
Jane S has some great advice. All of that stuff needs to be on your to do list.
Are you going to get married in your state or his? What base are you filing paperwork at? If it's not his base then find a website for the base you'll file at and find out where all the offices are.
If he's in a unit have him ask for the ombudsman's contact information. The ombudsman (I think some branches also call them Key Volunteers) is a spouse who has volunteered to help families and the military communicate. She should have a lot of information on what needs to be done and where...at least at your BF's base.
She may be able to get you in contact with the FRG (Family Readiness Group) for your DH's unit too. The FRG is a good way to meet people at your new base. A lot of them maintain information on the web that you might be able to access even before you move. They can get you started off with activities and information you'll need, especially as you get closer to deployment.
Advise I'm giving you is when he's about to deploy but it doesn't hurt to start now. You're going to need powers of attorneys (there are several), id card, enroll you in Tricare,dental, contact numbers, put your info with the command/ombudsman (for spouse meetings), wills (both), know what's on each other's last will so no surprises. Know his family's contact info and his allergies.
Know the access numbers/codes, passwords, permission to speak with a rep from each of these:
Savings, checkings, credit cards, utilities, cell phones, car insurance, bills, debt.
Copies of drivers license and social security cards.
Last but not least, congratulations!
Not sure what you mean? you yourself can join the military as well and get deployed. you two can fight for what you believe in together. that's the way i'd go.
So I'm obbsesed with organization... and just wondering if you have any advice on getting paperwork... and all that wonderful stuff done efficiently and anything i need to do first... like most important... or something that i might forget? Just looking for websites or any advice you all may have:) thanks!Advice from military spouses?
The military is huge on taking care of family members. They have services coming out the ears to help you with everything you need.
The Military is a different type of life style... but it can be a very rewarding one.Advice from military spouses?
Get a will, enroll your kids in DEERS, and have a family care plan. Also, start planning for his deployments NOW!!! You will be in charge of everything. Make sure the finances are covered. Consider all possibilities.
GOOD LUCK!
Jane S has some great advice. All of that stuff needs to be on your to do list.
Are you going to get married in your state or his? What base are you filing paperwork at? If it's not his base then find a website for the base you'll file at and find out where all the offices are.
If he's in a unit have him ask for the ombudsman's contact information. The ombudsman (I think some branches also call them Key Volunteers) is a spouse who has volunteered to help families and the military communicate. She should have a lot of information on what needs to be done and where...at least at your BF's base.
She may be able to get you in contact with the FRG (Family Readiness Group) for your DH's unit too. The FRG is a good way to meet people at your new base. A lot of them maintain information on the web that you might be able to access even before you move. They can get you started off with activities and information you'll need, especially as you get closer to deployment.
Advise I'm giving you is when he's about to deploy but it doesn't hurt to start now. You're going to need powers of attorneys (there are several), id card, enroll you in Tricare,dental, contact numbers, put your info with the command/ombudsman (for spouse meetings), wills (both), know what's on each other's last will so no surprises. Know his family's contact info and his allergies.
Know the access numbers/codes, passwords, permission to speak with a rep from each of these:
Savings, checkings, credit cards, utilities, cell phones, car insurance, bills, debt.
Copies of drivers license and social security cards.
Last but not least, congratulations!
Not sure what you mean? you yourself can join the military as well and get deployed. you two can fight for what you believe in together. that's the way i'd go.
Friday, January 15, 2010
I need advice from navy spouses???????PLEASE!!!!!?
Hello my name is alexis i need some more advice,can you please help me out? My husband wants to join the navy but im kinda scared with the war going on right now.He says he wants the best for us.As a wife how is it having being a navy spouse?is there always fear of something happening to them?Im 20 yrs old and live in California.Im a mother of two boys.I wanted to major in criminal justice and work as a CA correction officer, but if my husband joins the navy i wont be able to due to traviling where ever he is stationed.Do you think if i was to major in nursing as a lvn or rn this would work good for me as a career due to the traveling?I want to have a career too,you never know what if things dont work out.i just dont want to be a housewife.what are the benefits for us?And do any of you have husbands that want to make the navy their career?Is it good pay?He says he wants to be a mechanic or engineer.Im just lost. I dont want to tell him not to go when its something he wants to do. TYI need advice from navy spouses???????PLEASE!!!!!?
leTe him do It. iF you gete LOnly, iLl helP!I need advice from navy spouses???????PLEASE!!!!!?
Hi Alexis,
Your concerns are justified. Navy personnel are often out to sea for 9 months at a time. Having 2 boys is a big responsibility and you will have your hands full with not a lot of support from your husband. However, Navy families provide great support for each other. Pursuing a career is a very wise
idea. There are many online programs that you could work on when you get free time. There will always be a need for RNs. It is very important that you learn why your husband
want to make this drastic move. Is he unable to find
work in the field he is trained? Whatever you do,
make the decison together. Do not let this decision be a
';He wins'; or ';You Win'; decision but rather a ';We Win';
decision. Other alternatives, learn to live on less money.
Move to cheaper housing. Sell your car if it is financed.
For excellent financial advice check out www.daveramsey.com
Best Regards!
While I am not a Navy spouse I am former Navy. A lot of spouses are nurses sicne it gives them the opportunity to move aroudn the country and continue their career regardles sof where they are stationed. The hardest part of being in the Navy will be the 6 month deployments he makes when he is stationed on a ship. On the plus side this gives him a great education as well as the opportunity to expand on it after he is done (whether it is a career or just a single stint). Of all the services I think the Navy would be the safest choice right now since the terrorists do not have an active fleet and they played their one card on the USS Cole and now the navy is prepared for that tactic. Your best bet is to talk with recruiters and also see if you can find others who have been in the Navy and can talk to ytou face to face (both of you) regarding realistic expectations and what it si you guys want to do.
Don't just talk to recruiters and don't just talk to ex military because both have valid points of view and both can help you make your decision.
leTe him do It. iF you gete LOnly, iLl helP!I need advice from navy spouses???????PLEASE!!!!!?
Hi Alexis,
Your concerns are justified. Navy personnel are often out to sea for 9 months at a time. Having 2 boys is a big responsibility and you will have your hands full with not a lot of support from your husband. However, Navy families provide great support for each other. Pursuing a career is a very wise
idea. There are many online programs that you could work on when you get free time. There will always be a need for RNs. It is very important that you learn why your husband
want to make this drastic move. Is he unable to find
work in the field he is trained? Whatever you do,
make the decison together. Do not let this decision be a
';He wins'; or ';You Win'; decision but rather a ';We Win';
decision. Other alternatives, learn to live on less money.
Move to cheaper housing. Sell your car if it is financed.
For excellent financial advice check out www.daveramsey.com
Best Regards!
While I am not a Navy spouse I am former Navy. A lot of spouses are nurses sicne it gives them the opportunity to move aroudn the country and continue their career regardles sof where they are stationed. The hardest part of being in the Navy will be the 6 month deployments he makes when he is stationed on a ship. On the plus side this gives him a great education as well as the opportunity to expand on it after he is done (whether it is a career or just a single stint). Of all the services I think the Navy would be the safest choice right now since the terrorists do not have an active fleet and they played their one card on the USS Cole and now the navy is prepared for that tactic. Your best bet is to talk with recruiters and also see if you can find others who have been in the Navy and can talk to ytou face to face (both of you) regarding realistic expectations and what it si you guys want to do.
Don't just talk to recruiters and don't just talk to ex military because both have valid points of view and both can help you make your decision.
Has anyones started their own business against their spouses advice or approval?
I would like to be a restaurant/bar owner and/or publish my own cookbook. How should I go about getting this started without having any credit? Would I need to get sponsors or start out of my home? Any suggestions? My spouse wont help.Has anyones started their own business against their spouses advice or approval?
Depends on where you live or how much research you are willing to do. By the way, how much research have you done? This could take up to a year. There are places that give grants/business loans to females. You just have to find them. You have to give them a detailed business plan, such as how much your/their investment is gong to be, the location you choose, taxes, permits, license cost. You are going to have to make sure you can get a liquor license. Do you know anything about running a bar? You have to factor in your loss/gain. It may be a little tricky getting approved for bar/restaurant just for the loss these places take---but that goes with employees, friends wanting free stuff and plus you don't make money your first year. It's do-able, but it takes work. If you don't have a support system that can also be hard. Don't let negativity from anyone keep you from your dreams.
If that is too much to tackle at the moment or you want something to do while you are getting all of this together-then do what Sandra Deen did. She was the ';Bag Lady';. She started sack lunches out of her home and took them places. Or you could make cakes and take them to restaurants or mom and pop places and have them sale them. Make up a few, slice them up, package them, put a business card on them and go to an office strip or a courthouse and give your sliced pieces of cake away-you are bound to get some call backs. Christmas season, people don't have time to bake...BINGO! Make precooked dinners for people who don't have time to cook. There are many ways to do it-you just got to think of plans and put them into action. Advertise when you get something going. Anything you do, you will have to start small.
Good luck to you!!!revlon lipstick
Depends on where you live or how much research you are willing to do. By the way, how much research have you done? This could take up to a year. There are places that give grants/business loans to females. You just have to find them. You have to give them a detailed business plan, such as how much your/their investment is gong to be, the location you choose, taxes, permits, license cost. You are going to have to make sure you can get a liquor license. Do you know anything about running a bar? You have to factor in your loss/gain. It may be a little tricky getting approved for bar/restaurant just for the loss these places take---but that goes with employees, friends wanting free stuff and plus you don't make money your first year. It's do-able, but it takes work. If you don't have a support system that can also be hard. Don't let negativity from anyone keep you from your dreams.
If that is too much to tackle at the moment or you want something to do while you are getting all of this together-then do what Sandra Deen did. She was the ';Bag Lady';. She started sack lunches out of her home and took them places. Or you could make cakes and take them to restaurants or mom and pop places and have them sale them. Make up a few, slice them up, package them, put a business card on them and go to an office strip or a courthouse and give your sliced pieces of cake away-you are bound to get some call backs. Christmas season, people don't have time to bake...BINGO! Make precooked dinners for people who don't have time to cook. There are many ways to do it-you just got to think of plans and put them into action. Advertise when you get something going. Anything you do, you will have to start small.
Good luck to you!!!
Have you followed your spouses advice, even when? ?
It was kind of dumb? Ive recently discovered Im having a allergic reaction to degree deodorant. Im basically scratching like a monkey. My husband (god love em) suggested I use hand sanitizer to ';help dry it up.'; Well it was like poring acid on a open sore. I swear I saw flames. I kind of knew it was a bad idea but he did say it helped fix his itchy feet. I also trusted him when he told me to put ben-gay on my sore back and hip and then get in the shower. It felt fine in the shower and then I got out. It was one of the worst pain's ever. it was hot and then cold and seemingly never ending. I was lying naked on the couch praying it would end soon. I love my husband but I need to learn to take his advice with a grain of salt. So has anyone else blindly followed their spouses advice?Have you followed your spouses advice, even when? ?
I gave my husband that spray on band-aid stuff to help his sore throat. I thought it was the herbal remedy I'd used and assured him it would work. I just handed him the wrong bottle. He gagged!
And we only use BenGay with gloves on!
As for your deodorant, try the all natural rock mineral, just don't drop it in the sink or it will shatter. Will last forever....mostly. (It kills bacteria so oders don't develop)Have you followed your spouses advice, even when? ?
Yes i ended burning my car engine, I was putting oil on my transmission, and he said i was pouring the wrong oil, the transmission fluid i had belonged in the engine. He stupefied me so much, that I actually believed it. Poor Car it didn't survive, but he did. LOL.
I couldn't help but get a giggle out of this, sorry for laughing at your pain but it quite reminded me of a very bad IcyHot incident we had thanks to my husband. Never ever get IcyHot in private places!
Never took his advice but always made him believe I did. This is my second marriage by the way. It has lasted so far since nine years ! LOL !
Blindly? No. However, he often has good advice.
phew i'm not the only one.
i heard a funny story about ben-gay and camping. apparently boys should wash their hands before peeing in the woods after applying ben-gay. lol
Of course I have. I only follow it now when I am sure it won't cause me pain.
Hell no...that is like following Satin into a pizza furnace to get filled.
LMAO YES!!
I would do what ever my wife said. she is alot smarter than I
of course we all do dumb things for love
I gave my husband that spray on band-aid stuff to help his sore throat. I thought it was the herbal remedy I'd used and assured him it would work. I just handed him the wrong bottle. He gagged!
And we only use BenGay with gloves on!
As for your deodorant, try the all natural rock mineral, just don't drop it in the sink or it will shatter. Will last forever....mostly. (It kills bacteria so oders don't develop)Have you followed your spouses advice, even when? ?
Yes i ended burning my car engine, I was putting oil on my transmission, and he said i was pouring the wrong oil, the transmission fluid i had belonged in the engine. He stupefied me so much, that I actually believed it. Poor Car it didn't survive, but he did. LOL.
I couldn't help but get a giggle out of this, sorry for laughing at your pain but it quite reminded me of a very bad IcyHot incident we had thanks to my husband. Never ever get IcyHot in private places!
Never took his advice but always made him believe I did. This is my second marriage by the way. It has lasted so far since nine years ! LOL !
Blindly? No. However, he often has good advice.
phew i'm not the only one.
i heard a funny story about ben-gay and camping. apparently boys should wash their hands before peeing in the woods after applying ben-gay. lol
Of course I have. I only follow it now when I am sure it won't cause me pain.
Hell no...that is like following Satin into a pizza furnace to get filled.
LMAO YES!!
I would do what ever my wife said. she is alot smarter than I
of course we all do dumb things for love
Can you give me some advice on how to deal with low self esteem during a divorce after having abusive spouse?
I have been in a 5 yr marriage to an verbally and physically abusive man that manipulated me by being kind half the time and then being cruel and neglectful the other half.He has called me every dirty name in the book,slu*twh**,fat***,he told me im worthless every day for 5 yrs,he took away my right to money,friends,isolated me from anyone that could help me.now I have anxiety and post trauma and depression as well as many health probs..and a slipped disc in my back because he pushed me...Can you give me some advice on how to deal with low self esteem during a divorce after having abusive spouse?
Number one you're on the right track, you're getting rid of the jerk. If you are having anxiety attacks by all means see a doctor for help with that one but on your own, keep telling yourself ';I am somebody special because I'm good, kind and getting rid of a huge cancerous burden. I can go where I want and do what I want from now on.';
Now, repeat after me';I am somebody special because I'm good, kind and getting rid of a huge cancerous burden. I can go where I want and do what I want from now on.';
And, don't your forget it.Can you give me some advice on how to deal with low self esteem during a divorce after having abusive spouse?
Therapy will help you work through these issues. You have been through way too much to deal with this on your own.
What happen with you is happen with me too now.We are same,married with wrong person.But I have 4yrs old son which I must protect from this man.Be strong and it will be over.No one can make you low,just stupid,idiot,jerk and dont have humanity brain man do this.You are important than him.
Be busy with your hobby and spend your time with friends/family.
Oh Honey I feel so bad for you-remember everyday how strong you are for leaving that situation! Tell yourself every day that you are a great person and didn't deserve that situation--try to get some short term counseling for you PTSD and anxiety-Good luck to you!This will pass.
girl it sounds like we lived the same life
ive been away from mine over 4 years now
you go girl...but it wont be easy on your own
I'm SERIOUS...go talk to someone professional
thats what i had to do after years of denial
hes the piece of crap for doing what he did to you
YOU GO GIRL....%26amp; dont ever go back there
you can IM me or email if ya want...we gotta lot in common
I never could understand why a man hits a woman with no reason. Don't take this as me patronizing you but; if you would've put your foot in his a** the first time he did that you wouldn't hurt as much. I'm going to assume he is a very scary person when angry. I know that what he did was irrepairable, but you have to forgive him and move on with your life. Not for him, but for yourself.
Think about this for a second, he talked down to you, hit you and pushed you down a set of stairs, causing you to slip a disc in your back........and you're still here. You've already taken his worst shot and yet God's grace and mercy has allowed you to see another day. In my book you laughed last, trust me he's going to answer for what he did to you, but it's time for you to give your problems to God and let him take control. It might not seem like what he's doing for you is a lot, understand that his job with you isn't done yet.
I know that you don't trust men too much, but just know that there are MEN out there that only want to love you for who you are. My best advice to you is: whenever you decide to date again don't make the next great guy come along and pay for the mistakes of your ex-husband.
Get over your panic attacks and go take some exercise classes (kickboxing is great) to help reshape your body, new body you're going to get compliments on, strength and endurance will also help your self esteem.
Number one you're on the right track, you're getting rid of the jerk. If you are having anxiety attacks by all means see a doctor for help with that one but on your own, keep telling yourself ';I am somebody special because I'm good, kind and getting rid of a huge cancerous burden. I can go where I want and do what I want from now on.';
Now, repeat after me';I am somebody special because I'm good, kind and getting rid of a huge cancerous burden. I can go where I want and do what I want from now on.';
And, don't your forget it.Can you give me some advice on how to deal with low self esteem during a divorce after having abusive spouse?
Therapy will help you work through these issues. You have been through way too much to deal with this on your own.
What happen with you is happen with me too now.We are same,married with wrong person.But I have 4yrs old son which I must protect from this man.Be strong and it will be over.No one can make you low,just stupid,idiot,jerk and dont have humanity brain man do this.You are important than him.
Be busy with your hobby and spend your time with friends/family.
Oh Honey I feel so bad for you-remember everyday how strong you are for leaving that situation! Tell yourself every day that you are a great person and didn't deserve that situation--try to get some short term counseling for you PTSD and anxiety-Good luck to you!This will pass.
girl it sounds like we lived the same life
ive been away from mine over 4 years now
you go girl...but it wont be easy on your own
I'm SERIOUS...go talk to someone professional
thats what i had to do after years of denial
hes the piece of crap for doing what he did to you
YOU GO GIRL....%26amp; dont ever go back there
you can IM me or email if ya want...we gotta lot in common
I never could understand why a man hits a woman with no reason. Don't take this as me patronizing you but; if you would've put your foot in his a** the first time he did that you wouldn't hurt as much. I'm going to assume he is a very scary person when angry. I know that what he did was irrepairable, but you have to forgive him and move on with your life. Not for him, but for yourself.
Think about this for a second, he talked down to you, hit you and pushed you down a set of stairs, causing you to slip a disc in your back........and you're still here. You've already taken his worst shot and yet God's grace and mercy has allowed you to see another day. In my book you laughed last, trust me he's going to answer for what he did to you, but it's time for you to give your problems to God and let him take control. It might not seem like what he's doing for you is a lot, understand that his job with you isn't done yet.
I know that you don't trust men too much, but just know that there are MEN out there that only want to love you for who you are. My best advice to you is: whenever you decide to date again don't make the next great guy come along and pay for the mistakes of your ex-husband.
Get over your panic attacks and go take some exercise classes (kickboxing is great) to help reshape your body, new body you're going to get compliments on, strength and endurance will also help your self esteem.
Urgent advice need, I am in a situation where I am attending school and my spouse has not been able to find a ?
job after being fired. I only have 5 months of school left and He is leaving me with no gas in my car no food no phone and past rent unpaid. he called his family to come and get him. I dont know what to do. I have no family and I am in a new area where I dont know anyone...What recourse do I have not to be left with all the debt and no second thought on his part as to what is going to happen to me. I am so scared.Urgent advice need, I am in a situation where I am attending school and my spouse has not been able to find a ?
Talk to the school some one could know some one that will help you. Have a sale and sale all you can to get some money. food stamps would be nice. Let him know you are not paying his bills. Good luckUrgent advice need, I am in a situation where I am attending school and my spouse has not been able to find a ?
Talk to the school counselor. He or She may no of low cost living and an on campus job that you can do. Try your best not to quit school once you take that rout you may never go back. Then get your degree and get to were you have family.
Your spouse I hope can't sleep at night for a long while, leaving like that.
go to your local welfare office, sometimes whey will give you money if you are attending school, also apply for food stamps
I have a novel idea- get a job!
I have no sympathy. Try doing it with a couple kids. Nobody *just* goes to school.
Talk to the school some one could know some one that will help you. Have a sale and sale all you can to get some money. food stamps would be nice. Let him know you are not paying his bills. Good luckUrgent advice need, I am in a situation where I am attending school and my spouse has not been able to find a ?
Talk to the school counselor. He or She may no of low cost living and an on campus job that you can do. Try your best not to quit school once you take that rout you may never go back. Then get your degree and get to were you have family.
Your spouse I hope can't sleep at night for a long while, leaving like that.
go to your local welfare office, sometimes whey will give you money if you are attending school, also apply for food stamps
I have a novel idea- get a job!
I have no sympathy. Try doing it with a couple kids. Nobody *just* goes to school.
Are you and your spouse happy? My husband and I are considering a 'friendship' instead of intimacy...advice
My husband and I love each other, but I don't think we're IN love anymore. We've been married for 2陆 years, we're 25 and we have a one year old. We just seem to have grown apart, and after some counseling and hours and hours of talking, we realize that we're just drifting apart.. we don't even have sex anymore, yet I can't stand the thought of my son growing up without his parents together. I know that it's not going to be any more beneficial to him for us to fight all the time, either. So, we're thinking about living together, and just sort of being friends. We're not considering an open marriage, I couldn't do that, but I just don't know what to do/expect. We want to raise our son together, he's only one, and neither of us can stand the thought of missing even a single day with him. Has anyone else been in this situation and had a decent outcome? I just don't know what to do anymore.. I feel like he's my roomate already, might as well stop pretending, rightAre you and your spouse happy? My husband and I are considering a 'friendship' instead of intimacy...advice
In order to stay in love, you both have to work at it by doing nice things for each other and contantly telling each other how you feel about one another and keeping sex and your life interesting. Having a baby can change a marriage, but you just have to work around it and find interesting things to do that involve the child or get a babysitter and get some alone time. Don't give up if there is no abuse going on.Are you and your spouse happy? My husband and I are considering a 'friendship' instead of intimacy...advice
Look, it will end up this way with anybody you meet over time. That is life. You have to choose to be in love now. So does he. You both have to work on it together. It is work. That is why it is beautiful when you find to people in love after 20 yrs. It is normal to feel this way. If you split from him, you will regret it and so will he when you both grow up. YOU HAVE TO WORK TO MAKE IT HAPPEN. Wait til he finds another girl which he will do in time, then you will find that you have lost him forever.
That's tough ! Everybody knows, once you lose ';it';.....it's hard to get it back !
Your son deserves his parents to work on their marriage.
Marriage isn't based on feelings. In the beginning it is and its an attraction thing as well, but those feelings come and go. But your marriage committment stays. You guys will have ups and downs for seasons at a time, but that doesn't mean you give up. Anyways, who says ya can't be ';friends'; with your spouse? Your decision on intimacy is yours alone to discuss, but remember, he has needs and so do you. If you wanna be friends, so be it, incase you haven't noticed, we treat our friends much better than our own spouses! So, if we treated our spouses as well as we do our friends, there would be less fights and more enjoyment.
Hang in there.
Stop the misery and move out.
Sorry but it won't work.
One or both of you are going to end up meeting someone new and wanting to be with that person.
So there is no future for you two? none at all? and you don't want an open marriage so what will you do? have you thought it though altogether? sounds to me you haven't didn you ever think about seperating for a while and who ever moves out comes and spends some time with your son everyday.
this isnt a fantacy world once you get married and have children you are right you both need to stop pretending. and look at the child you have who never asked to come into this world get counceling from a minister ok. my opion?
ITS BETTER TO BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER.IF YOU FEEL LIKE THAT,WHY STAY WITH HIM.DO YOU THINK ITS OK FOR HIM OR YOU TO SCREW SOMEONE ELSE WHILE STILL MARRIED..I THINK NOT.
IT IS TIME TO ADMIT THAT YOU HAVE BOTH MADE A MISTAKE AND GET DIVORCED.IF YOU DONT,AT SOMEPOINT ONE OF YOU WILL GET JELOUS OF THE OTHER SCREWING AROUND AND THEN IT WILL GET MESSY...........
A CLEAN BREAK ALWAYS HURTS LESS..IN THE END.
GOOD LUCK..HOPE IT WORKS OUT FOR BOTH OF YOU.
You didn't just drift apart. You either set a course for apart or you neglect the helm. Sounds like a little of both. Either rebuild a real marriage, or split up. Just being friends will WRECK your childs upbringing. Do you want him to grow up and marry someone who just falls out of love with him out of the blue? :/
You are doing the right thing by seeing that fighting gets you nowhere... but marriage is soooooooo hard those first few years.. you and your husband should go to a counselor or therapist. Marriage is hard, it is easy to put no effort into it.. then it will die out. Couples have to try every single day. I say don't give up yet... also an open marriage is a way, way bad idea..
Yes you sure said it ';stop pretending';. You both need to go on with your lives. Your son will always have his dad. So stop pretending everything is alright between you and his dad. Good luck.
So you married a guy and you are giving up after 2 1/2 years? Quit being a wimp. You are married..it's supposed to last a lifetime....as in for the next 70+ years. You can either stay married and work it out, and it takes work, hard work. Or you can get divorced so he can go out and find someone else. You can't stay married and live together. It doesn't work. He will be going out with other women. If you don't ';put out'; he will find someone who will, if he hasn't already.
Geeze, when I started reading this, I thought you two were in your 50s. Anyway, you don't have to live together to give all to your son. I am divorced myself (and for worse reasons than yours), but he's a good father and loves his son. We both share our son equally. He was 1 1/2 when we divorced, so this custody arrangement is all he has known...he's 5 now. We work together, talk together, help each other all for the benefit of our son. My son loves us both and hasn't shown any problems because of this arrangement. You just have to be mature enough to handle it and make sure your son is at the top of this list.
Honestly, if you two have tried everything, in the end you two stay together, you son is going to have a bad view of what love and marriage is all about just by living with you two.
This happens to many people. It can be OK. I have not been intimate with my husband for 11 years. We still live together from time to time. It amounts to 2 or 3 months a year. In the last few years and is going down to about 6 weeks for 2008.
We have different circles of friends. We have very different interests. We are considerate of each other. His girlfriends are always nice. They do not stay over when I am in the house. It is all very civil and civilizing. We never fight anymore as we are not dependent on each other for emotional support.
Some of our friends think it is an irregular arrangement. And it may be. We like the way it is working out. We are good friends.
The ';in love'; feeling is the lust of expectation. As you are in a relationship love grows in different ways. Children change the dynamics of a relationship. It takes work to keep a relationship going. Everyday we change. Our environment changes us. To keep a relationship going you have to continue to make an effort to stay connected. So many times we let all the outside forces keep us from committing any time to our spouse. We then feel disconnected.
If you haven't tried dating your husband again, talking and setting aside time just the two of you, you may want to try this first.
If you have already drifted apart after only 2 1/2 years, you will probably bring the same ideas into your next relationship.
It isn't easy keeping a relationship going.
Good luck!
somtimes divorce can bring people closer together. Then they are not pretending anymore, right. That was the case in my divorce. Living together may hold you back from the things you want to do in life. Don't settle just because......
Then you are considering an open marriage. A better thing to do would be to divorce. You could find living arrangements close so both of you could be parents. But at 1 year old, it would be better to part as friends and both make sure he is cared for as he grows up. This would be normal for him since he is so young rather than wait till he is 6 or 7 and one of you find someone you really love and want to be with. Divorce now while he is still young. You parents can still be friends.
Friend, u r not alone, i m having this problem since my only daughter is 1 year old. she is 8 now, but the relationship between me %26amp; my husband still the same.Sometime when love is gone, we still hv to take the responsible as parents for our kid.life is tough.
if having an open marriage would bother you, then you do still have feelings for him.
my opinion...divorce and move on. you can stay friends, that's good. your son is 1, not 10..12..or 14. he will only know what you teach him. he has not had the unfortunate knowledge of fighting and arguing and unhappiness. always work together for your son, regardless of how you feel about each other. good luck to you and your soon to be extended family. work together, be respectful of each others lives. you both created him. don't ever let him feel like a mistake. Go into any possible relationship with that in mind. make sure the ';other'; knows of the commitment with the ex.
In order to stay in love, you both have to work at it by doing nice things for each other and contantly telling each other how you feel about one another and keeping sex and your life interesting. Having a baby can change a marriage, but you just have to work around it and find interesting things to do that involve the child or get a babysitter and get some alone time. Don't give up if there is no abuse going on.Are you and your spouse happy? My husband and I are considering a 'friendship' instead of intimacy...advice
Look, it will end up this way with anybody you meet over time. That is life. You have to choose to be in love now. So does he. You both have to work on it together. It is work. That is why it is beautiful when you find to people in love after 20 yrs. It is normal to feel this way. If you split from him, you will regret it and so will he when you both grow up. YOU HAVE TO WORK TO MAKE IT HAPPEN. Wait til he finds another girl which he will do in time, then you will find that you have lost him forever.
That's tough ! Everybody knows, once you lose ';it';.....it's hard to get it back !
Your son deserves his parents to work on their marriage.
Marriage isn't based on feelings. In the beginning it is and its an attraction thing as well, but those feelings come and go. But your marriage committment stays. You guys will have ups and downs for seasons at a time, but that doesn't mean you give up. Anyways, who says ya can't be ';friends'; with your spouse? Your decision on intimacy is yours alone to discuss, but remember, he has needs and so do you. If you wanna be friends, so be it, incase you haven't noticed, we treat our friends much better than our own spouses! So, if we treated our spouses as well as we do our friends, there would be less fights and more enjoyment.
Hang in there.
Stop the misery and move out.
Sorry but it won't work.
One or both of you are going to end up meeting someone new and wanting to be with that person.
So there is no future for you two? none at all? and you don't want an open marriage so what will you do? have you thought it though altogether? sounds to me you haven't didn you ever think about seperating for a while and who ever moves out comes and spends some time with your son everyday.
this isnt a fantacy world once you get married and have children you are right you both need to stop pretending. and look at the child you have who never asked to come into this world get counceling from a minister ok. my opion?
ITS BETTER TO BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER.IF YOU FEEL LIKE THAT,WHY STAY WITH HIM.DO YOU THINK ITS OK FOR HIM OR YOU TO SCREW SOMEONE ELSE WHILE STILL MARRIED..I THINK NOT.
IT IS TIME TO ADMIT THAT YOU HAVE BOTH MADE A MISTAKE AND GET DIVORCED.IF YOU DONT,AT SOMEPOINT ONE OF YOU WILL GET JELOUS OF THE OTHER SCREWING AROUND AND THEN IT WILL GET MESSY...........
A CLEAN BREAK ALWAYS HURTS LESS..IN THE END.
GOOD LUCK..HOPE IT WORKS OUT FOR BOTH OF YOU.
You didn't just drift apart. You either set a course for apart or you neglect the helm. Sounds like a little of both. Either rebuild a real marriage, or split up. Just being friends will WRECK your childs upbringing. Do you want him to grow up and marry someone who just falls out of love with him out of the blue? :/
You are doing the right thing by seeing that fighting gets you nowhere... but marriage is soooooooo hard those first few years.. you and your husband should go to a counselor or therapist. Marriage is hard, it is easy to put no effort into it.. then it will die out. Couples have to try every single day. I say don't give up yet... also an open marriage is a way, way bad idea..
Yes you sure said it ';stop pretending';. You both need to go on with your lives. Your son will always have his dad. So stop pretending everything is alright between you and his dad. Good luck.
So you married a guy and you are giving up after 2 1/2 years? Quit being a wimp. You are married..it's supposed to last a lifetime....as in for the next 70+ years. You can either stay married and work it out, and it takes work, hard work. Or you can get divorced so he can go out and find someone else. You can't stay married and live together. It doesn't work. He will be going out with other women. If you don't ';put out'; he will find someone who will, if he hasn't already.
Geeze, when I started reading this, I thought you two were in your 50s. Anyway, you don't have to live together to give all to your son. I am divorced myself (and for worse reasons than yours), but he's a good father and loves his son. We both share our son equally. He was 1 1/2 when we divorced, so this custody arrangement is all he has known...he's 5 now. We work together, talk together, help each other all for the benefit of our son. My son loves us both and hasn't shown any problems because of this arrangement. You just have to be mature enough to handle it and make sure your son is at the top of this list.
Honestly, if you two have tried everything, in the end you two stay together, you son is going to have a bad view of what love and marriage is all about just by living with you two.
This happens to many people. It can be OK. I have not been intimate with my husband for 11 years. We still live together from time to time. It amounts to 2 or 3 months a year. In the last few years and is going down to about 6 weeks for 2008.
We have different circles of friends. We have very different interests. We are considerate of each other. His girlfriends are always nice. They do not stay over when I am in the house. It is all very civil and civilizing. We never fight anymore as we are not dependent on each other for emotional support.
Some of our friends think it is an irregular arrangement. And it may be. We like the way it is working out. We are good friends.
The ';in love'; feeling is the lust of expectation. As you are in a relationship love grows in different ways. Children change the dynamics of a relationship. It takes work to keep a relationship going. Everyday we change. Our environment changes us. To keep a relationship going you have to continue to make an effort to stay connected. So many times we let all the outside forces keep us from committing any time to our spouse. We then feel disconnected.
If you haven't tried dating your husband again, talking and setting aside time just the two of you, you may want to try this first.
If you have already drifted apart after only 2 1/2 years, you will probably bring the same ideas into your next relationship.
It isn't easy keeping a relationship going.
Good luck!
somtimes divorce can bring people closer together. Then they are not pretending anymore, right. That was the case in my divorce. Living together may hold you back from the things you want to do in life. Don't settle just because......
Then you are considering an open marriage. A better thing to do would be to divorce. You could find living arrangements close so both of you could be parents. But at 1 year old, it would be better to part as friends and both make sure he is cared for as he grows up. This would be normal for him since he is so young rather than wait till he is 6 or 7 and one of you find someone you really love and want to be with. Divorce now while he is still young. You parents can still be friends.
Friend, u r not alone, i m having this problem since my only daughter is 1 year old. she is 8 now, but the relationship between me %26amp; my husband still the same.Sometime when love is gone, we still hv to take the responsible as parents for our kid.life is tough.
if having an open marriage would bother you, then you do still have feelings for him.
my opinion...divorce and move on. you can stay friends, that's good. your son is 1, not 10..12..or 14. he will only know what you teach him. he has not had the unfortunate knowledge of fighting and arguing and unhappiness. always work together for your son, regardless of how you feel about each other. good luck to you and your soon to be extended family. work together, be respectful of each others lives. you both created him. don't ever let him feel like a mistake. Go into any possible relationship with that in mind. make sure the ';other'; knows of the commitment with the ex.
College Debt Advice--What should I do about undergrad and grad school debt for my spouse and I?
I have approximately $25,000 in debt from my undergraduate college in Federal loans. I just began a 3-year master's degree that will leave me with approximately $50,000 in additional debt. Both the undergraduate and graduate loans are being deferred until after graduation.
My wife-to-be has an identical debt portrait.
My expected starting salary upon graduation is $50,000 per year, as is her starting salary. My question: what are our best options so that we can afford to live!?!College Debt Advice--What should I do about undergrad and grad school debt for my spouse and I?
You need to live as cheaply as you can for the first couple of years and concentrate on paying the loans down quickly. Being students, you are skilled at living on hot dogs and boxed mac and cheese. Take one persons salary and pour it into the debts. Then after 1 year (assuming you haven't missed payments or been late) call and ask for them to be refinanced. This will lower the expected monthly payment. Then pour more money in for another year, and get refinanced again. Now your payment will be tiny, and will not interfere with you getting on to a successful wealthy life.
My wife-to-be has an identical debt portrait.
My expected starting salary upon graduation is $50,000 per year, as is her starting salary. My question: what are our best options so that we can afford to live!?!College Debt Advice--What should I do about undergrad and grad school debt for my spouse and I?
You need to live as cheaply as you can for the first couple of years and concentrate on paying the loans down quickly. Being students, you are skilled at living on hot dogs and boxed mac and cheese. Take one persons salary and pour it into the debts. Then after 1 year (assuming you haven't missed payments or been late) call and ask for them to be refinanced. This will lower the expected monthly payment. Then pour more money in for another year, and get refinanced again. Now your payment will be tiny, and will not interfere with you getting on to a successful wealthy life.
Need ideas, suggestions, advice on how to have a fair argument without yelling with my spouse?
We want to be able to have fair arguments without the yelling and exaggeration...my spouse gets so angry i think he exaggerates a lot of the time but he yells at me when he gets to angry.... .. i may do it sometimes too.. but we just want to figure out a way because the only problem we have is this... we want to work everything out..and better our relationship... we're young have kids... he asked me to marry him but i feel like we need to figure out how to have a fair arugment without the yelling etc.. before i can marry him.. so i feel totally secure.. anyone have suggestions, ideas, any programs out there for this .. for couples?Need ideas, suggestions, advice on how to have a fair argument without yelling with my spouse?
Fair argument is an oxymoron, a discussion is fair. Have you tried marriage counseling? It's just as much for soon-to-bes as married couples.Need ideas, suggestions, advice on how to have a fair argument without yelling with my spouse?
It takes maturity. Realize that in every argument or disagreement, there is fault on both sides. Try pointing out what the fault is on your side for a change instead of pointing out what the fault on the opposite side is. If you both do this it will drastically diminish the arguments. It takes a little pride swallowing but you two have to decide what is more important....being right or working it out.
My husband and I had totally different 'styles' of arguing. Now we make it a point to listen. If he tries to interrupt me I tell him to hear me out and if I try to interrupt him he says the same thing. Both of you need to take the time to actually LISTEN to what each other is saying, without judgment. It takes practice but when you learn to argue in a constructive manner, it will only strengthen your marriage. Good luck.
Basically, you have to learn how to fight fair, and you can't do that when you are angry.
When an issue arises, wait until your anger dissipates, then address the matter. Do not use accusatory words. Do not start a sentence with things like, ';I hate it when you. . .'; or ';You always. . . .';
There is a ton of help out there for you--books, couples' therapy groups, counseling, etc.
Good luck.
When you are talking w/ each other, try mirroring. that is when someone is talking to you, try and repeat back what they are saying. it supposed to show you are trying to understand what the other person is putting forth as well as giving you time to process and understand it yourself.
if that doesn't work...try boxing gloves.
try talking to him normally and when he start to yell at you have him count to 10 and stop talk to him until he is com, or walk away from him so that way he can realized that he is yelling at you instead of talking to you
you both need to get couples therapy and marriage therapy before you get married
taking deep breath and think before u speak
Try getting past the idea that you have to argue, first.
All couples have differences of opinion - instead of arguing (in which one person ';wins';) focus on understanding. When you LISTEN to the other person describe why they feel the way they do, and they listen to you describe why you feel the way you do, you come to an understanding of the other person's perspective. Then you have to mesh the two together. Sometimes it means one of you has to compromise for the greater good. Sometimes you both have to give something up.
The point is to get past the idea that one of you is right and the other is wrong. Once you let that go, the arguments go too. After that, you have discussions...black heads
Fair argument is an oxymoron, a discussion is fair. Have you tried marriage counseling? It's just as much for soon-to-bes as married couples.Need ideas, suggestions, advice on how to have a fair argument without yelling with my spouse?
It takes maturity. Realize that in every argument or disagreement, there is fault on both sides. Try pointing out what the fault is on your side for a change instead of pointing out what the fault on the opposite side is. If you both do this it will drastically diminish the arguments. It takes a little pride swallowing but you two have to decide what is more important....being right or working it out.
My husband and I had totally different 'styles' of arguing. Now we make it a point to listen. If he tries to interrupt me I tell him to hear me out and if I try to interrupt him he says the same thing. Both of you need to take the time to actually LISTEN to what each other is saying, without judgment. It takes practice but when you learn to argue in a constructive manner, it will only strengthen your marriage. Good luck.
Basically, you have to learn how to fight fair, and you can't do that when you are angry.
When an issue arises, wait until your anger dissipates, then address the matter. Do not use accusatory words. Do not start a sentence with things like, ';I hate it when you. . .'; or ';You always. . . .';
There is a ton of help out there for you--books, couples' therapy groups, counseling, etc.
Good luck.
When you are talking w/ each other, try mirroring. that is when someone is talking to you, try and repeat back what they are saying. it supposed to show you are trying to understand what the other person is putting forth as well as giving you time to process and understand it yourself.
if that doesn't work...try boxing gloves.
try talking to him normally and when he start to yell at you have him count to 10 and stop talk to him until he is com, or walk away from him so that way he can realized that he is yelling at you instead of talking to you
you both need to get couples therapy and marriage therapy before you get married
taking deep breath and think before u speak
Try getting past the idea that you have to argue, first.
All couples have differences of opinion - instead of arguing (in which one person ';wins';) focus on understanding. When you LISTEN to the other person describe why they feel the way they do, and they listen to you describe why you feel the way you do, you come to an understanding of the other person's perspective. Then you have to mesh the two together. Sometimes it means one of you has to compromise for the greater good. Sometimes you both have to give something up.
The point is to get past the idea that one of you is right and the other is wrong. Once you let that go, the arguments go too. After that, you have discussions...
Relationship advice: Do you go to bed at the same time as your spouse?
For 2 years now my girlfriend and I have dated and everything has been fine. We spend every waking moment after work together, and around 11pm she would head to her house and go to bed. I would head to my house and play video games/watch TV until about 2 am.
She typically likes at least 8 hours of sleep a night, I prefer only 5 or 6.
Now we've since bought a house together and everything has been fine for the first couple of days (I went to bed at the same time as her for the first 2 nights, the next 2 nights I stayed up playing computer and then came to bed).
On night 5 she got angry that I wasn't going to go to bed with her, despite her saying (before we bought a house together) that she'd have no problem with me staying up as long as it wasn't every night.
Anyways, I don't see a reason for flipping out and being angry if someone won't go to bed at the same time.
It's not a lack of cuddling, I do that all day with her, and it's not a lack of sex, we have that as well.Relationship advice: Do you go to bed at the same time as your spouse?
Sounds like she needs to get over it~!
Watch Scrubs they had a deal like that!
Maybe she feels that she is missing out on fun! and who likes to miss out on the fun stuff!
Talk to her and ask her why she cares so much maybe there is something your not seeing! at the same time exsplain how you feel and why you stay up!
also if she really wants to go to bed at the same time ask her to go to bed at your bed time!
talk it out work it out work as a team! give and take! and good luck!
My partner and I go to bed at the same time! 90% of the time! 7% of the time i pass out on the couch...
the other 3% he might have friends over and id on't want to pass out on them while they are having fun!
so i just go to bed!
personally i think it's a very minor thing to argue about!
but it might mean something to her! so find out!Relationship advice: Do you go to bed at the same time as your spouse?
Its a comfort thing. And like someone else said, it may also be a little bit of jealousy. She thinks you prefer the games over her. How about you meet in the middle and offer to tuck her in or lay down with her until she falls asleep and then get back up and play? Or better yet, get her addicted to your games too so you're both up all night? =]
Sometimes we do, sometimes we don't. I really don't see her logic. Maybe she is uneasy going to bed in the house by herself. A little afraid maybe. Don't sweat it. Just explain that you don't expect her to stay up with you so why should she expect you to go to bed with her. Everything will go to normal eventually. It is still new to her. Maybe just humor her a bit. But still stand your ground a little. Remember, compromise.
Well, my hubby will not go to bed with out me. It use to kinda annoy me but now I think it is sweet. We always go together.
Now it is just habit. I can see your point, that it shouldn't matter but if it matters and is important to her maybe you can work out a compromise..............................
She is jealous of the games and computer! Sometimes it is nice to fall alseep next to someone as well. Never let a girl tell you she will be fine with it that is lie number 1.
Remind her she is not your mother and can't tell you what time to go to bed, i see some control issues here so you better nip it in the bud now!!
she wants to controll you, and is pissed you haven't fallen in line. this happens when people start living together. Stuff canges, and it isn't always for the better. Good luck, and hope she stops.
me and my husband go to bed at the same time...out of habit and because we are both tired
damn, u moved in 2gether, dis is where it does downhill
Hmm some times we do, sometimes we dont, but even when we do my body naturally stays up longer, so I'll stay in bed watching a show or something and he'll be snoring ';loudly'; beside me. If she's all about going to bed together put a tv in the room and watch a show or something that way she's good and your not sitting there staring at the ceiling. But don't bow down often if you wanna stay awake and play on the computer or video games go right ahead. YOU LIVE ONE LIFE DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.
I try to alternate, with one night bed with my girl, one night watching DVDs. But she moans when I stay up; and I hate it when I have to lie there in bed and I can't sleep, and I could be doing other things.
So: tell her that you are writing a novel, and that she can only read it when you have finished; and tell her that the midnight hours are your most creative time for thinking about it. Keep a messy looking notebook next to your computer chair, and if she chastises you about playing games, drinking, not going to bed etc, then have a go back and tell her that she is selfishly disrupting your natural thinking rhythms and such like - then hope for the best. I tried this and it didn't work, but it was the best that I could come up with, and maybe it could work for you.
She likes your company. I think that is all she is saying but it seems like you guys are spending plenty of time together.
My husband and I go to bed together but lately he's been reading for a few minutes and I just go to sleep. I need more sleep than my husband.
One option is that if you can do what you want beside her in bed while she sleeps? The light doesn't bother me.
Or just tell her that you're not ready for bed. She can stay up with you. Compromise. Or accept. It's unfair of her to try to cramp your style. If you want to stay up then it's your choice. You're an adult. But I think she just likes the security of having you there. :-)
She typically likes at least 8 hours of sleep a night, I prefer only 5 or 6.
Now we've since bought a house together and everything has been fine for the first couple of days (I went to bed at the same time as her for the first 2 nights, the next 2 nights I stayed up playing computer and then came to bed).
On night 5 she got angry that I wasn't going to go to bed with her, despite her saying (before we bought a house together) that she'd have no problem with me staying up as long as it wasn't every night.
Anyways, I don't see a reason for flipping out and being angry if someone won't go to bed at the same time.
It's not a lack of cuddling, I do that all day with her, and it's not a lack of sex, we have that as well.Relationship advice: Do you go to bed at the same time as your spouse?
Sounds like she needs to get over it~!
Watch Scrubs they had a deal like that!
Maybe she feels that she is missing out on fun! and who likes to miss out on the fun stuff!
Talk to her and ask her why she cares so much maybe there is something your not seeing! at the same time exsplain how you feel and why you stay up!
also if she really wants to go to bed at the same time ask her to go to bed at your bed time!
talk it out work it out work as a team! give and take! and good luck!
My partner and I go to bed at the same time! 90% of the time! 7% of the time i pass out on the couch...
the other 3% he might have friends over and id on't want to pass out on them while they are having fun!
so i just go to bed!
personally i think it's a very minor thing to argue about!
but it might mean something to her! so find out!Relationship advice: Do you go to bed at the same time as your spouse?
Its a comfort thing. And like someone else said, it may also be a little bit of jealousy. She thinks you prefer the games over her. How about you meet in the middle and offer to tuck her in or lay down with her until she falls asleep and then get back up and play? Or better yet, get her addicted to your games too so you're both up all night? =]
Sometimes we do, sometimes we don't. I really don't see her logic. Maybe she is uneasy going to bed in the house by herself. A little afraid maybe. Don't sweat it. Just explain that you don't expect her to stay up with you so why should she expect you to go to bed with her. Everything will go to normal eventually. It is still new to her. Maybe just humor her a bit. But still stand your ground a little. Remember, compromise.
Well, my hubby will not go to bed with out me. It use to kinda annoy me but now I think it is sweet. We always go together.
Now it is just habit. I can see your point, that it shouldn't matter but if it matters and is important to her maybe you can work out a compromise..............................
She is jealous of the games and computer! Sometimes it is nice to fall alseep next to someone as well. Never let a girl tell you she will be fine with it that is lie number 1.
Remind her she is not your mother and can't tell you what time to go to bed, i see some control issues here so you better nip it in the bud now!!
she wants to controll you, and is pissed you haven't fallen in line. this happens when people start living together. Stuff canges, and it isn't always for the better. Good luck, and hope she stops.
me and my husband go to bed at the same time...out of habit and because we are both tired
damn, u moved in 2gether, dis is where it does downhill
Hmm some times we do, sometimes we dont, but even when we do my body naturally stays up longer, so I'll stay in bed watching a show or something and he'll be snoring ';loudly'; beside me. If she's all about going to bed together put a tv in the room and watch a show or something that way she's good and your not sitting there staring at the ceiling. But don't bow down often if you wanna stay awake and play on the computer or video games go right ahead. YOU LIVE ONE LIFE DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.
I try to alternate, with one night bed with my girl, one night watching DVDs. But she moans when I stay up; and I hate it when I have to lie there in bed and I can't sleep, and I could be doing other things.
So: tell her that you are writing a novel, and that she can only read it when you have finished; and tell her that the midnight hours are your most creative time for thinking about it. Keep a messy looking notebook next to your computer chair, and if she chastises you about playing games, drinking, not going to bed etc, then have a go back and tell her that she is selfishly disrupting your natural thinking rhythms and such like - then hope for the best. I tried this and it didn't work, but it was the best that I could come up with, and maybe it could work for you.
She likes your company. I think that is all she is saying but it seems like you guys are spending plenty of time together.
My husband and I go to bed together but lately he's been reading for a few minutes and I just go to sleep. I need more sleep than my husband.
One option is that if you can do what you want beside her in bed while she sleeps? The light doesn't bother me.
Or just tell her that you're not ready for bed. She can stay up with you. Compromise. Or accept. It's unfair of her to try to cramp your style. If you want to stay up then it's your choice. You're an adult. But I think she just likes the security of having you there. :-)
Advice please!! Is it possible to fall back in love with a spouse?
After the honeymoon stage was over and real life started to in our marriage it started to become apparent that my wife and I do not too much in common. Over the next three years I started to realize that while I love my wife and care for her I am not in love with her. I thought that I could find a way to be in love with her, after all I married her I must have been in love with her for me to ask her to marry me, right? I kept these feelings to myself for at least two years thinking that I would fall back in love with her after this or that holiday or event, all the while my wife was sensing that some thing was up and she would do the nicest things for me and they would change the way that I felt on the surface but not in my heart. Like I said I love my wife and care for her I am just not in love with her. Last night she starting to cry and said that she was tiered of hot getting what she needed out of the relationship. I took this opportunity to tell her how I feel. I told her that I tried to keep this from her and to fix this on my own, so I never said anything to her. I am horrible at communication skills I guess most assholes are. I told her that I want to fix this and want to see a counceler to get help, I made the appointment today.
I feel so bad, guilty, like **** that I am not in love with my wife.
IAdvice please!! Is it possible to fall back in love with a spouse?
I say at least you are now being honest and trying not to hurt her! Good for you!! Alot of stupid men would have just left her standing! Good luck and may God bless you both with a new love for each other!! Philippians 4:13 I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.Advice please!! Is it possible to fall back in love with a spouse?
Love isn't a feeling, it is a choice. Simply LOVE your wife. You are imperfect, she is imperfect, and you both choosing to love each other as imperfect people is perfect in itself. When people say they ';Fall out of love,'; means that initial feeling of googoo gaagaa is over and the relationship becomes real work.
I understand how you feel. I love my exhusband, but I am not inlove w/ him. The thoughts of having sex w/ him or of him even touching me,makes me want to puke. My hats off to you for trying counseling. But you cannot help who love or don't love.
true love is neither physical, nor romantic. true love is an acceptance of all that is, has been and will be.
you can get that feeling again
yes its most definitely possible
relationships dont take care of themselves though they need maintainance
This will answer your questions:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
It is defiantly worth a try, but after a while if the consuling doesn't work, you can't force it ya know?
Go find a girlfriend and get it over with.
yes and it is worth the effort
Yes.
Ok this might be kind of lame but I was going through the same problem. My husband and I realized how our love has died. It's been really rough but, one day out of the blue I decided to read my horoscope (which I NEVER do) and it read something along the lines a relationship of mine is changing in many ways and the next phase will be ONE of the MANY incarnations of it's life. I realized then and there love does have many lives.
There is no complete end to love. You have to take the effort to love again. I do miss the before marriage love but that died and turned into young married love, then that turned into another matured type of love that just recently died. After a short break from my husband I see now how much I love him and right now how much I want to be with him. I think the feeling is mutual because he looks at me differently now.
So just remember love has many incarnations. Just keep that in mind. You will find a way to love your wife again. Good job on seeking counseling. They usually help you two realize things in your marriage. :)
Good luck!
I don't have an answer for you but like you I am no longer in love with my spouse either. I thought maybe you would find some solace in knowing its just not you! We have been going to marriage counseling for a year now and while it has helped resolve some issues we have been having it has not helped me fall back in love with him. I am not saying this to discourage you from counseling - it can only help! And I applaud you for telling her and trying to change the situation. I did the same and it is not an easy thing to tell someone you love that you are not ';in love with them';.
Keep trying, and when you don't think you can try anymore, give it one more chance. I am still trying and trying and trying... for my husband and my children and me! I was in love with him at one time, right?!? And in a committed, married relationship you must give it all you have to save it. At least that is what I tell myself.
Good luck and dont feel guilty, just try and hopefully you will find that love again.
I know someone in a very similar situation and, contrary to what the others have answered, I don't think that you can force yourself or talk yourself into being in love with someone. You seem to even question whether you were ever in love with her. I think being in love with someone is just something you either are or are not. You do seem to care a lot about her and in that sense you love her, but I doubt that you will ever be in love with her, counseling or not! They are your feelings and it doesn't seem that there has ever been an issue for you to have fallen out of love, it just wasn't ever there to begin with. You need to be completely open and honest with her about that and then the two of you need to decide whether or not you wish to continue on this way, counseling may be able to help with that decision, but I don't think it will help with you falling in love with her!?
You had lust, not love. You wanted sex and got it and you knew what you had to do to get it from this woman. The luster wore off the lust and you were left with a woman who loves you but you really don't know much about her other than sex was good with her. Love and lust both come from the heart, it's just big differnces in the outcomes of each.
I know this is tough situation, but the best thing about it is that you realize that you have a problem and actually WANT to solve it. I have to agree with the guy who said that love is not a feeling, it is a choice. You don't feel a certain way about your wife at this point, but I think you have the potential to turn it around, because you WANT to. You seem to be a caring individual and your marital relationship is obviously important to you, that says so much in itself. Get help and try to change some of the things in your life that are so routine, it may just be that you are in a rut and need to mix things up. I wish you much success!
Sounds to me that by getting counseling you are giving it all that you have to at least try to make the marriage work. Sometimes, even that doesn't work. And it is good you sat down and told your wife how you felt. You never commented if she felt the same way or not. Don't go feeling guilty over something you can't help. To live a life as if you are ';in love'; and actually are not, is a miserable feeling. Especially if you find that you have strong feelings for someone else. If counseling does not work, it probably would be better if you both went your separate ways. Better now than later when children or involved.
You worded this with alot of feeling and I can feel your pain in your question.
I will be in High Hopes that you and the Mrs. can rekindle what was there at one time.
There must be something your missing and counseling will help guide you both to what that is.
You did mention that She would do this and that to try and fix things. You didn't mention that You have tried.........so maybe it's your turn to try harder?
It's great that you do love her and care sometimes this is all that is really needed.
Good Luck to you
i could type this story from her point of view. 12 yrs for me and he never fell back in love. currently he's moving out. but he refused to try, please try for her sake. Do counseling, spend the time with her. Dont stop making love to her. Dont find another woman to confide in. it will end badly. The fact that you are willing to try lets me know that it could have happened for me. all i wanted was him to bring me a flower out of the blue. not jewelry. all i needed was a date once a month. try that for her sake and yours. I wish you luck, i hope you two find forever.
Love waxes and wains as the moon. If you want to make it work, you can but it IS work. You may want to consider marital counseling so as to absolve any issues that are making you feel this way about your wife and also to help her gain more trust in you (because she more than likely doesn't after you confessed that you don't feel the same anymore). It's goot that you WANT to fix it and I hope that she does, too. Find someone ASAP so you can spend the rest of your lives forever happy.
I think counselling will help you. Perhaps you need to look for the things you do have in common and have shared rather than the things you don't. I know it is hard - I have felt the same way...but I think it is possible to fix your marriage... with some help.
Also remember that the ';madly in love'; feeling fades in all relationships and but can be replaced with a different but deeper love based on sharing, friendship and respect.
The first step. Stop being such a man. Us men (yes i am a man) have a hard time communicating our feelings. Being married doesn't change the way you feel about someone. It's subtracting all the thing you did before you were married that changes it. Try dating her. Sounds weird but you loved her before you were married and dating her while you are married keeps the past with the present. DO the things you did before. Be the sweet guy she fell in love with. your feelings will come back. maybe stronger than before. that way when you hit your 10 year anniversary you can renew your vows
I feel so bad, guilty, like **** that I am not in love with my wife.
IAdvice please!! Is it possible to fall back in love with a spouse?
I say at least you are now being honest and trying not to hurt her! Good for you!! Alot of stupid men would have just left her standing! Good luck and may God bless you both with a new love for each other!! Philippians 4:13 I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.Advice please!! Is it possible to fall back in love with a spouse?
Love isn't a feeling, it is a choice. Simply LOVE your wife. You are imperfect, she is imperfect, and you both choosing to love each other as imperfect people is perfect in itself. When people say they ';Fall out of love,'; means that initial feeling of googoo gaagaa is over and the relationship becomes real work.
I understand how you feel. I love my exhusband, but I am not inlove w/ him. The thoughts of having sex w/ him or of him even touching me,makes me want to puke. My hats off to you for trying counseling. But you cannot help who love or don't love.
true love is neither physical, nor romantic. true love is an acceptance of all that is, has been and will be.
you can get that feeling again
yes its most definitely possible
relationships dont take care of themselves though they need maintainance
This will answer your questions:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
It is defiantly worth a try, but after a while if the consuling doesn't work, you can't force it ya know?
Go find a girlfriend and get it over with.
yes and it is worth the effort
Yes.
Ok this might be kind of lame but I was going through the same problem. My husband and I realized how our love has died. It's been really rough but, one day out of the blue I decided to read my horoscope (which I NEVER do) and it read something along the lines a relationship of mine is changing in many ways and the next phase will be ONE of the MANY incarnations of it's life. I realized then and there love does have many lives.
There is no complete end to love. You have to take the effort to love again. I do miss the before marriage love but that died and turned into young married love, then that turned into another matured type of love that just recently died. After a short break from my husband I see now how much I love him and right now how much I want to be with him. I think the feeling is mutual because he looks at me differently now.
So just remember love has many incarnations. Just keep that in mind. You will find a way to love your wife again. Good job on seeking counseling. They usually help you two realize things in your marriage. :)
Good luck!
I don't have an answer for you but like you I am no longer in love with my spouse either. I thought maybe you would find some solace in knowing its just not you! We have been going to marriage counseling for a year now and while it has helped resolve some issues we have been having it has not helped me fall back in love with him. I am not saying this to discourage you from counseling - it can only help! And I applaud you for telling her and trying to change the situation. I did the same and it is not an easy thing to tell someone you love that you are not ';in love with them';.
Keep trying, and when you don't think you can try anymore, give it one more chance. I am still trying and trying and trying... for my husband and my children and me! I was in love with him at one time, right?!? And in a committed, married relationship you must give it all you have to save it. At least that is what I tell myself.
Good luck and dont feel guilty, just try and hopefully you will find that love again.
I know someone in a very similar situation and, contrary to what the others have answered, I don't think that you can force yourself or talk yourself into being in love with someone. You seem to even question whether you were ever in love with her. I think being in love with someone is just something you either are or are not. You do seem to care a lot about her and in that sense you love her, but I doubt that you will ever be in love with her, counseling or not! They are your feelings and it doesn't seem that there has ever been an issue for you to have fallen out of love, it just wasn't ever there to begin with. You need to be completely open and honest with her about that and then the two of you need to decide whether or not you wish to continue on this way, counseling may be able to help with that decision, but I don't think it will help with you falling in love with her!?
You had lust, not love. You wanted sex and got it and you knew what you had to do to get it from this woman. The luster wore off the lust and you were left with a woman who loves you but you really don't know much about her other than sex was good with her. Love and lust both come from the heart, it's just big differnces in the outcomes of each.
I know this is tough situation, but the best thing about it is that you realize that you have a problem and actually WANT to solve it. I have to agree with the guy who said that love is not a feeling, it is a choice. You don't feel a certain way about your wife at this point, but I think you have the potential to turn it around, because you WANT to. You seem to be a caring individual and your marital relationship is obviously important to you, that says so much in itself. Get help and try to change some of the things in your life that are so routine, it may just be that you are in a rut and need to mix things up. I wish you much success!
Sounds to me that by getting counseling you are giving it all that you have to at least try to make the marriage work. Sometimes, even that doesn't work. And it is good you sat down and told your wife how you felt. You never commented if she felt the same way or not. Don't go feeling guilty over something you can't help. To live a life as if you are ';in love'; and actually are not, is a miserable feeling. Especially if you find that you have strong feelings for someone else. If counseling does not work, it probably would be better if you both went your separate ways. Better now than later when children or involved.
You worded this with alot of feeling and I can feel your pain in your question.
I will be in High Hopes that you and the Mrs. can rekindle what was there at one time.
There must be something your missing and counseling will help guide you both to what that is.
You did mention that She would do this and that to try and fix things. You didn't mention that You have tried.........so maybe it's your turn to try harder?
It's great that you do love her and care sometimes this is all that is really needed.
Good Luck to you
i could type this story from her point of view. 12 yrs for me and he never fell back in love. currently he's moving out. but he refused to try, please try for her sake. Do counseling, spend the time with her. Dont stop making love to her. Dont find another woman to confide in. it will end badly. The fact that you are willing to try lets me know that it could have happened for me. all i wanted was him to bring me a flower out of the blue. not jewelry. all i needed was a date once a month. try that for her sake and yours. I wish you luck, i hope you two find forever.
Love waxes and wains as the moon. If you want to make it work, you can but it IS work. You may want to consider marital counseling so as to absolve any issues that are making you feel this way about your wife and also to help her gain more trust in you (because she more than likely doesn't after you confessed that you don't feel the same anymore). It's goot that you WANT to fix it and I hope that she does, too. Find someone ASAP so you can spend the rest of your lives forever happy.
I think counselling will help you. Perhaps you need to look for the things you do have in common and have shared rather than the things you don't. I know it is hard - I have felt the same way...but I think it is possible to fix your marriage... with some help.
Also remember that the ';madly in love'; feeling fades in all relationships and but can be replaced with a different but deeper love based on sharing, friendship and respect.
The first step. Stop being such a man. Us men (yes i am a man) have a hard time communicating our feelings. Being married doesn't change the way you feel about someone. It's subtracting all the thing you did before you were married that changes it. Try dating her. Sounds weird but you loved her before you were married and dating her while you are married keeps the past with the present. DO the things you did before. Be the sweet guy she fell in love with. your feelings will come back. maybe stronger than before. that way when you hit your 10 year anniversary you can renew your vows
I want to seek revenge on my cheating spouse because he doesn't know a good thing when he has one. Any advice
When he goes to sleep, super glue his dick to his leg.I want to seek revenge on my cheating spouse because he doesn't know a good thing when he has one. Any advice
You'd be surprized what a pack of matches and a galloon of gas can do to the human body!! How about after peeing you squirl his tooth brush in the toilet bowl and put it back. Put his cell phone in the microwave for 2 minutes and when he gets a new one do the same. Slash the soles of all his shoes so when it rains his socks get soaked. Cut a button so it is on the verge of falling off and it does after he has put it on and gone to work. Give the remote control to your girlfriend and let her hang onto it for a week.
If you want more ideas just let me know.I want to seek revenge on my cheating spouse because he doesn't know a good thing when he has one. Any advice
Trust is something that takes years to build and seconds to destroy. The sweetest revenge is letting him/her see you go on without him/her. Do you really want to spend valuable time in this short life making both of yourselves miserable? Get a good counselor and a good lawyer ASAP and take care and protect yourself. If you have children make sure they are OK.
don't take advice from people who say cheat on him. That is just stupid. Would you want to degrade yourself for the sake of making him jealous. Does that make sense at all?
If you want him to realize what he has, then it's important to keep that intact. Your integrity is a huge part of who you are, and one of the biggest reasons for him to appreciate you. To stoop to the level of vengeful actions just makes you like everyone else. You aren't separating yourself from the women he's cheating with if you turn around and cheat as well. In some way, you are just condoning their behavior.
Real revenge is long-term, and won't be something you see or feel very fast. But I say, stay true. That way you know you can always know you were the bigger person. Just know that his cheating isn't because you are lacking in anything, but because he is. Hold onto your self-esteem and poise, and find a happy life despite his actions. It will bother him HUGELY to see you not reacting to his antics. Calmly tell him it has to stop, and if it doesn't, calmly leave. But don't become hysterical or nasty, or it just gives him more things to say about you. If you act up, it tells him that you think you need him. If you don't, you send the message that you are so above him, he's not even worth the emotional energy to get excited. You're worth more than that, and you'll just go find someone who recognizes it.
If you end up having to leave him, be a secure, confident woman, and it will bug him until the day he dies.
If you get revenge, are you still a ';good thing';? (And you can only answer that for yourself.)
Having been there, your best bet is to pursue healing for yourself because there is no way to go through what you are without a great deal of pain. I can tell you that my ex-husband has regretted his very bad decisions many times, but it took time.
kissing your new bf infront of him...
One word KARMA.
Revenge is not the answer to that...just cause he did it to u doest me u have to do it with him...Take the upper hand if he cheated on u...just know someone else is out there and wants better...and u just may be that person of better...what comes around goes around..just sit back and watch cause its coming sonner then later
Don't bother with revenge. He will reap what he sews. Trust me.
So let me get this straight you are seeking revenge and you consider you're a good thing? What you think you had nothing to do with your relationship with him? I would start looking within yourself first. Don't waste your time with revenge try to do a time-line of your relationship and see if you can learn from it. No relationship fails because of one spouse. Cheating can be just a physical or emotional or it could be just a mistake. If you are trying to save the good thing then look deeper. If not revenge is just not worth it and move on.
Poor girl, no revenge please. It will do you no good but sorrow. Have a straight forward talk with him. Have him decided on the relationship. Man is a man sometimes he gets lost along the way home so long as he gets home even though he has taken a detour. Just forgive him for the sake of marriage. Good luck.
Don't sweat the small stuff. Just wait and see, he'll get his in the end. Remember, Every dog has it's day!!!!!!
Why bother, find a new spouse :)
revenge is sour fruit
I think it is better just to be the good person and let him know you know what a bad person he is
Good Luck to You and God Bless!!
Sleeping around with another man is just a good way to push your spouse away from you and turn you into whore status? I would make him think you might be doing something but don't actually do it. All that will do is make you feel miserable. Go do fun things alone with friends.
There are a couple of things that I just thought of. One would be that you could tell him the other woman called saying she is pregnant. The other would be for you to create an official document that looks like it came from the health department to the house. It should say that he has been named as a person of interest that has had sexual contact with a person that has a communicable disease and he needs to go get tested. Scare the living crap out of him. I like that idea now that I think about it and will use it myself if necessary.
a mistake cannot be solved by another mistake
Cheat on him...........that's the best revenge.
drop him off in the woods somewhere. don't kill him or anything tho---jus make him find his way home
He isn't worth it. You either forgive him or leave. I would leave if I felt like that. If he doesn't apprechiate you why would you want to bother with him. Be the better person and get out of there. That's the best revenge.
You dont have to get revenge. Hopefully, your no longer with him. Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. They cant help themselves. And your right, they never know what they had till it's gone..The best 'Revenge' is for you to live the best life you can possible live, be your own person, put all of your energy on yourself and your children, (if you have them). Dont waste another minute worring about him, you dont get those minutes back.. Good luck, and keep your head held up super high! : )
the best revenge is to be happy and sucessful.
Divorce the guy
and be happy. I did it and it drove and still drives my X nuts
You want to know what the best revenge is? It's called........................ Moving on and letting go.
Do you plan to tell him you had an affair too. If you don't what good will that do. None. I have had revenge sex because I found my wife was being a real whore with her coworkers. I had an opportunity with a woman and took up on it because I was feeling so low that I felt it didn't matter. I am sorry I did in some ways, because it really didn't help me with my wife's issues. She is still a whore.
You'd be surprized what a pack of matches and a galloon of gas can do to the human body!! How about after peeing you squirl his tooth brush in the toilet bowl and put it back. Put his cell phone in the microwave for 2 minutes and when he gets a new one do the same. Slash the soles of all his shoes so when it rains his socks get soaked. Cut a button so it is on the verge of falling off and it does after he has put it on and gone to work. Give the remote control to your girlfriend and let her hang onto it for a week.
If you want more ideas just let me know.I want to seek revenge on my cheating spouse because he doesn't know a good thing when he has one. Any advice
Trust is something that takes years to build and seconds to destroy. The sweetest revenge is letting him/her see you go on without him/her. Do you really want to spend valuable time in this short life making both of yourselves miserable? Get a good counselor and a good lawyer ASAP and take care and protect yourself. If you have children make sure they are OK.
don't take advice from people who say cheat on him. That is just stupid. Would you want to degrade yourself for the sake of making him jealous. Does that make sense at all?
If you want him to realize what he has, then it's important to keep that intact. Your integrity is a huge part of who you are, and one of the biggest reasons for him to appreciate you. To stoop to the level of vengeful actions just makes you like everyone else. You aren't separating yourself from the women he's cheating with if you turn around and cheat as well. In some way, you are just condoning their behavior.
Real revenge is long-term, and won't be something you see or feel very fast. But I say, stay true. That way you know you can always know you were the bigger person. Just know that his cheating isn't because you are lacking in anything, but because he is. Hold onto your self-esteem and poise, and find a happy life despite his actions. It will bother him HUGELY to see you not reacting to his antics. Calmly tell him it has to stop, and if it doesn't, calmly leave. But don't become hysterical or nasty, or it just gives him more things to say about you. If you act up, it tells him that you think you need him. If you don't, you send the message that you are so above him, he's not even worth the emotional energy to get excited. You're worth more than that, and you'll just go find someone who recognizes it.
If you end up having to leave him, be a secure, confident woman, and it will bug him until the day he dies.
If you get revenge, are you still a ';good thing';? (And you can only answer that for yourself.)
Having been there, your best bet is to pursue healing for yourself because there is no way to go through what you are without a great deal of pain. I can tell you that my ex-husband has regretted his very bad decisions many times, but it took time.
kissing your new bf infront of him...
One word KARMA.
Revenge is not the answer to that...just cause he did it to u doest me u have to do it with him...Take the upper hand if he cheated on u...just know someone else is out there and wants better...and u just may be that person of better...what comes around goes around..just sit back and watch cause its coming sonner then later
Don't bother with revenge. He will reap what he sews. Trust me.
So let me get this straight you are seeking revenge and you consider you're a good thing? What you think you had nothing to do with your relationship with him? I would start looking within yourself first. Don't waste your time with revenge try to do a time-line of your relationship and see if you can learn from it. No relationship fails because of one spouse. Cheating can be just a physical or emotional or it could be just a mistake. If you are trying to save the good thing then look deeper. If not revenge is just not worth it and move on.
Poor girl, no revenge please. It will do you no good but sorrow. Have a straight forward talk with him. Have him decided on the relationship. Man is a man sometimes he gets lost along the way home so long as he gets home even though he has taken a detour. Just forgive him for the sake of marriage. Good luck.
Don't sweat the small stuff. Just wait and see, he'll get his in the end. Remember, Every dog has it's day!!!!!!
Why bother, find a new spouse :)
revenge is sour fruit
I think it is better just to be the good person and let him know you know what a bad person he is
Good Luck to You and God Bless!!
Sleeping around with another man is just a good way to push your spouse away from you and turn you into whore status? I would make him think you might be doing something but don't actually do it. All that will do is make you feel miserable. Go do fun things alone with friends.
There are a couple of things that I just thought of. One would be that you could tell him the other woman called saying she is pregnant. The other would be for you to create an official document that looks like it came from the health department to the house. It should say that he has been named as a person of interest that has had sexual contact with a person that has a communicable disease and he needs to go get tested. Scare the living crap out of him. I like that idea now that I think about it and will use it myself if necessary.
a mistake cannot be solved by another mistake
Cheat on him...........that's the best revenge.
drop him off in the woods somewhere. don't kill him or anything tho---jus make him find his way home
He isn't worth it. You either forgive him or leave. I would leave if I felt like that. If he doesn't apprechiate you why would you want to bother with him. Be the better person and get out of there. That's the best revenge.
You dont have to get revenge. Hopefully, your no longer with him. Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. They cant help themselves. And your right, they never know what they had till it's gone..The best 'Revenge' is for you to live the best life you can possible live, be your own person, put all of your energy on yourself and your children, (if you have them). Dont waste another minute worring about him, you dont get those minutes back.. Good luck, and keep your head held up super high! : )
the best revenge is to be happy and sucessful.
Divorce the guy
and be happy. I did it and it drove and still drives my X nuts
You want to know what the best revenge is? It's called........................ Moving on and letting go.
Do you plan to tell him you had an affair too. If you don't what good will that do. None. I have had revenge sex because I found my wife was being a real whore with her coworkers. I had an opportunity with a woman and took up on it because I was feeling so low that I felt it didn't matter. I am sorry I did in some ways, because it really didn't help me with my wife's issues. She is still a whore.
Advice on how to find a GOOD person for a spouse?
What would you do looking back? or what have you done for those of you who were successful?
Any advice on what you should look for, signs to look for?
Is it better to wait out the relationship and see how they are for a while, or hurry up and get married and start growing together knowing you are ';in it for life'; or trying to be that way?
Additional Question: does waiting just build tension and cause people to become different in their demeanor if both people are trying to be sexually abstinent?
say one person is still a virgin, but the other person is willing to wait, ( while doing other things ) would that time increase sexual frustration such that people's behaviors might turn them into angry people or people who are unlike themselves?Advice on how to find a GOOD person for a spouse?
You Should Look For Someone Who Is Willing To Put You First Above All Others Including Himself.
It Takes About Two Years To Get To Really Know Someone.
You Should Save Something Special For Your Honeymoon Night, And Not Give Yourself To Anyone Who Ask. What A Special Gift It Would Be If You Are A Virgin.
Sexual Frustration Is Bull, And Only An Excuse For Selfish People.
Someone Special Is Worthwhile Waiting For, And Is Especially Honorable For A Male To Preserve His Future Wife, That Is The Kind Of Love A Female Should Be Looking For,
If Both Husband And Wife ';Very Rare'; Are Virgins,Then Sex Is Second To Nothing Between The Two. And That Alone Is A Gift To Each Other That Cannot Be Topped.
I Dated My Wife For 2 1/2 Years We Played All Kind Of Other Games, But She Had Her Virginity On Our Wedding Night. If I Would Have Pushed Her Before, She Would Have Given In To Me, But I Felt I Had Someone Very Special And Wanted To Keep Her That Way. She Has Given Me Three Beautiful Children, And Has Been A Great Mother And Wife For 38 Years.
So If Someone Pushes You For Sex Before Time, Just Consider The Gift That You Are Giving Away And Why. It Can Only Be Given Once. I Am No Saint But I Hope This Awakens At Least One Person,Advice on how to find a GOOD person for a spouse?
First, know yourself and you core values, and only date people who share them.
Don't wait for their core values to change, they won't.
Don't hurry up and get married, if you're in it for life, you better be sure what ';it'; is.
If a person is willing to wait, they should be willing to wait and not be angry about it. If it makes them angry, then they really aren't willing are they?
Personally, and please note that I say ';personally';, I think that the whole ';wait for marriage'; thing is completely beyond ridiculous. I mean, a HUGE portion of the hormones that surge through your brain while you are with a person come from INTIMATE closeness. How can you know if they are even close to right for you without that? To me, it is completely against nature itself to ';wait for marriage';. I, personally, couldn't condone it in any way.
Lol, i hear alot from my wife when girls come up and see me. Not because of my physical apperance but how i am as a person. I cook, clean, take care of my wife and our kid.
I think the things to look for in a person are compassion and kindness, and alot of the times you can see that in a person by just sitting back and watching.
They shouldn't get angry about having to wait. There is always rosy palm and her 5 sisters.
I would still marry my hubbie, but I think his drinking attracted me at first, and I could now really do without it. Go for more stable, less party like.
Get to know the person. It can work rushing in though. It depends on the people.
1. Women shouldn't look for men. Men should look for women.
2. Reject anyone who does not fit the criteria that you have set.
3. Reject anyone who is pursuing you while they have someone else.
4. Be patient and keep your legs closed. Sex give a misconception as to the truth of your relationship. You may think you have love when all you have is good sex.
Well, you may fine the good person by observing his attitude, if he is honest, faithful, trusted, and helpful.
E-mail me through my portfolio and I will tell you some stuff if your interested.
Look for someone with lots of money.
The best advice is to quit looking.......Simply enjoy all people....鈾モ櫏
Well, Sexual pressure and temptation may always be present, Yes. The longer you wait may add stress to the relationship. But, That does not mean that one should give in. It takes a lot of discipline, Something I failed in my youth. Self respect and respect for your partner plus distraction from the thought may help from doing something you may regret later.
Another thing, I've always been told, Make sure the person you commit to love's you more than you love her. Although you may love that person more than life it's self, It's good to know that your spouse love's you as much as you love that person. There are too many one sided relationships out there!
Know your partners heart, Look for good traits in a person. Don't just go for looks alone. Far too many people go down that road and end up miserable.
Peace, Love and Happiness.
Personally, I think that by having sex too quickly in a relationshiip, makes people evaluate their dating partner with their genitals instead of with their brain. I think that it is important to hold off in having sex right away so the Big O does not blind you to some crappy behaviors.
I think that it is important to decide what you want in a spouse. If you date someone who does not personify the characteristics in a spouse, then stop dating that person. I don't mean that you want someone with brown hair, etc. I mean things like someone whose personality meshes with yours; someone who treats you with respect; someone whose core beliefs match yours; etc.
If you are dating someone who doesn't have the characteristics of a good spouse, then don't keep them as a dating partner.
For example, there are so many topics with women posting that their husband looks at porn and it is causing a split in their marriage. Well....didn't they know their bf looked at porn? Probably, because there are plenty of topics with single women saying that their bf looks at porn and it bothers them. If a woman doesn't want a husband who looks at porn, then she shouldn't keep a bf who looks at porn.
I think the best way is to find them in the religion where you go.
Find out their family and how does it interact with each other.
How does this person treat other family members? With kindness and consideration.
Right now all you see is the looks, gee she is cute!
that will not be so cute when she is still screaming at you at 2 AM because the car got a flat tire and you had nothing to do with it.
When sex is all that is going on and after marriage when it gets to be old stuff then you get to know the person and it is to late.
The best way to pick a spouse is to get one who is good to her parents. Has common interests and is your religion.
the farther away from what you are the least likely you will keep her as a marriage partner.
Your religion, your color, similar family's, from a common back ground.
In research those were the ones most likely to stay married.
I wouldn't change anything. I dated much older men in my past. I am currently dating someone 1.5 years older than me and it's wonderful. Without those previous relationships I wouldn't have understood better what I need.
It is definitely better to wait to know someone instead of rushing into marriage and then knowing them.
As far as sexual abstinence goes... I have had MANY friends that decided they wanted to be sexually abstinent until marriage, it never ended well. None of them ended up making it until marriage. Often times they gave it up to a boyfriend who wasn't right for them but they stayed longer because they had given their virginity to that person and that person should be their ';soul mate'; or they got so sick of waiting they lost it to some prick.
that ';while doing other things'; seems to be how they got so horny they gave up on waiting in the first place.
Any advice on what you should look for, signs to look for?
Is it better to wait out the relationship and see how they are for a while, or hurry up and get married and start growing together knowing you are ';in it for life'; or trying to be that way?
Additional Question: does waiting just build tension and cause people to become different in their demeanor if both people are trying to be sexually abstinent?
say one person is still a virgin, but the other person is willing to wait, ( while doing other things ) would that time increase sexual frustration such that people's behaviors might turn them into angry people or people who are unlike themselves?Advice on how to find a GOOD person for a spouse?
You Should Look For Someone Who Is Willing To Put You First Above All Others Including Himself.
It Takes About Two Years To Get To Really Know Someone.
You Should Save Something Special For Your Honeymoon Night, And Not Give Yourself To Anyone Who Ask. What A Special Gift It Would Be If You Are A Virgin.
Sexual Frustration Is Bull, And Only An Excuse For Selfish People.
Someone Special Is Worthwhile Waiting For, And Is Especially Honorable For A Male To Preserve His Future Wife, That Is The Kind Of Love A Female Should Be Looking For,
If Both Husband And Wife ';Very Rare'; Are Virgins,Then Sex Is Second To Nothing Between The Two. And That Alone Is A Gift To Each Other That Cannot Be Topped.
I Dated My Wife For 2 1/2 Years We Played All Kind Of Other Games, But She Had Her Virginity On Our Wedding Night. If I Would Have Pushed Her Before, She Would Have Given In To Me, But I Felt I Had Someone Very Special And Wanted To Keep Her That Way. She Has Given Me Three Beautiful Children, And Has Been A Great Mother And Wife For 38 Years.
So If Someone Pushes You For Sex Before Time, Just Consider The Gift That You Are Giving Away And Why. It Can Only Be Given Once. I Am No Saint But I Hope This Awakens At Least One Person,Advice on how to find a GOOD person for a spouse?
First, know yourself and you core values, and only date people who share them.
Don't wait for their core values to change, they won't.
Don't hurry up and get married, if you're in it for life, you better be sure what ';it'; is.
If a person is willing to wait, they should be willing to wait and not be angry about it. If it makes them angry, then they really aren't willing are they?
Personally, and please note that I say ';personally';, I think that the whole ';wait for marriage'; thing is completely beyond ridiculous. I mean, a HUGE portion of the hormones that surge through your brain while you are with a person come from INTIMATE closeness. How can you know if they are even close to right for you without that? To me, it is completely against nature itself to ';wait for marriage';. I, personally, couldn't condone it in any way.
Lol, i hear alot from my wife when girls come up and see me. Not because of my physical apperance but how i am as a person. I cook, clean, take care of my wife and our kid.
I think the things to look for in a person are compassion and kindness, and alot of the times you can see that in a person by just sitting back and watching.
They shouldn't get angry about having to wait. There is always rosy palm and her 5 sisters.
I would still marry my hubbie, but I think his drinking attracted me at first, and I could now really do without it. Go for more stable, less party like.
Get to know the person. It can work rushing in though. It depends on the people.
1. Women shouldn't look for men. Men should look for women.
2. Reject anyone who does not fit the criteria that you have set.
3. Reject anyone who is pursuing you while they have someone else.
4. Be patient and keep your legs closed. Sex give a misconception as to the truth of your relationship. You may think you have love when all you have is good sex.
Well, you may fine the good person by observing his attitude, if he is honest, faithful, trusted, and helpful.
E-mail me through my portfolio and I will tell you some stuff if your interested.
Look for someone with lots of money.
The best advice is to quit looking.......Simply enjoy all people....鈾モ櫏
Well, Sexual pressure and temptation may always be present, Yes. The longer you wait may add stress to the relationship. But, That does not mean that one should give in. It takes a lot of discipline, Something I failed in my youth. Self respect and respect for your partner plus distraction from the thought may help from doing something you may regret later.
Another thing, I've always been told, Make sure the person you commit to love's you more than you love her. Although you may love that person more than life it's self, It's good to know that your spouse love's you as much as you love that person. There are too many one sided relationships out there!
Know your partners heart, Look for good traits in a person. Don't just go for looks alone. Far too many people go down that road and end up miserable.
Peace, Love and Happiness.
Personally, I think that by having sex too quickly in a relationshiip, makes people evaluate their dating partner with their genitals instead of with their brain. I think that it is important to hold off in having sex right away so the Big O does not blind you to some crappy behaviors.
I think that it is important to decide what you want in a spouse. If you date someone who does not personify the characteristics in a spouse, then stop dating that person. I don't mean that you want someone with brown hair, etc. I mean things like someone whose personality meshes with yours; someone who treats you with respect; someone whose core beliefs match yours; etc.
If you are dating someone who doesn't have the characteristics of a good spouse, then don't keep them as a dating partner.
For example, there are so many topics with women posting that their husband looks at porn and it is causing a split in their marriage. Well....didn't they know their bf looked at porn? Probably, because there are plenty of topics with single women saying that their bf looks at porn and it bothers them. If a woman doesn't want a husband who looks at porn, then she shouldn't keep a bf who looks at porn.
I think the best way is to find them in the religion where you go.
Find out their family and how does it interact with each other.
How does this person treat other family members? With kindness and consideration.
Right now all you see is the looks, gee she is cute!
that will not be so cute when she is still screaming at you at 2 AM because the car got a flat tire and you had nothing to do with it.
When sex is all that is going on and after marriage when it gets to be old stuff then you get to know the person and it is to late.
The best way to pick a spouse is to get one who is good to her parents. Has common interests and is your religion.
the farther away from what you are the least likely you will keep her as a marriage partner.
Your religion, your color, similar family's, from a common back ground.
In research those were the ones most likely to stay married.
I wouldn't change anything. I dated much older men in my past. I am currently dating someone 1.5 years older than me and it's wonderful. Without those previous relationships I wouldn't have understood better what I need.
It is definitely better to wait to know someone instead of rushing into marriage and then knowing them.
As far as sexual abstinence goes... I have had MANY friends that decided they wanted to be sexually abstinent until marriage, it never ended well. None of them ended up making it until marriage. Often times they gave it up to a boyfriend who wasn't right for them but they stayed longer because they had given their virginity to that person and that person should be their ';soul mate'; or they got so sick of waiting they lost it to some prick.
that ';while doing other things'; seems to be how they got so horny they gave up on waiting in the first place.
Can any one tell me were to go to get some advice concerning a friend who is being beaten by her spouse?
she is a very good friend she is very scared of him and he has threatened to kill her she lives in he states i i live in uk any body give me advice on what to do thank you and he bullies her and most often he beats her and has raped her on one occasion i know of .Can any one tell me were to go to get some advice concerning a friend who is being beaten by her spouse?
http://www.abusedadultresourcecenter.com/donations.htm
http://wadt.org/
Two very useful websites. She is not alone. In the sites there is very useful information about seeking help and ending violence in the home.
Good luckCan any one tell me were to go to get some advice concerning a friend who is being beaten by her spouse?
Any hospital, police station or social work office will be able to give you information without asking any questions that you don't want to answer. In the UK the citizens advice bureau may be able to find out what is available in the US. Also try the library. The UK police may be able able to give you a contact in the US to talk to as well.
There are a lot of anonymous hot lines that offer help and hoe for abused people. Google some in your area. Good luck to your friend.
She needs to get out. Here's a web site in the US that might give her the resources she needs:
http://www.ndvh.org/
The number to call anywhere in the US is:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
one word ';Police';. This is called ';domestic violence'; in the buisiness and is highly punishable crime. I reccomend that you tell her to contact the her local authorities or the website and number that the person above me posted.
good luck i hope this helped!
http://www.abusedadultresourcecenter.com/donations.htm
http://wadt.org/
Two very useful websites. She is not alone. In the sites there is very useful information about seeking help and ending violence in the home.
Good luckCan any one tell me were to go to get some advice concerning a friend who is being beaten by her spouse?
Any hospital, police station or social work office will be able to give you information without asking any questions that you don't want to answer. In the UK the citizens advice bureau may be able to find out what is available in the US. Also try the library. The UK police may be able able to give you a contact in the US to talk to as well.
There are a lot of anonymous hot lines that offer help and hoe for abused people. Google some in your area. Good luck to your friend.
She needs to get out. Here's a web site in the US that might give her the resources she needs:
http://www.ndvh.org/
The number to call anywhere in the US is:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
one word ';Police';. This is called ';domestic violence'; in the buisiness and is highly punishable crime. I reccomend that you tell her to contact the her local authorities or the website and number that the person above me posted.
good luck i hope this helped!
I need advice from military spouses living in Vicenza!?
My husband is in the army and we have orders to report to Camp Ederle later this year and I am having a hard time finding out information about the base. I specifically need to know what medical services they offer. I have a child with ADHD who sees a child psychiatrist monthly. Does anyone know if they offer services like that on base at Camp Ederle?I need advice from military spouses living in Vicenza!?
You will be doing an EFMP Screening for you and your child....hate to say it, but if Facilities are not available to assist your child, you may have to ask for a different Location or your DH may have to be there alone. I'd ask for sure if the situation will allow you to join your DH. IF you're able to be there with him, then you may be referred Off Base to a Civilian Dr.... as most of the Family Members are for the Military Dr's are usually just for the Soldiers.black heads
You will be doing an EFMP Screening for you and your child....hate to say it, but if Facilities are not available to assist your child, you may have to ask for a different Location or your DH may have to be there alone. I'd ask for sure if the situation will allow you to join your DH. IF you're able to be there with him, then you may be referred Off Base to a Civilian Dr.... as most of the Family Members are for the Military Dr's are usually just for the Soldiers.
Why didnt gingrich advice palin to have an affair while her spouse was in the hospital with cancer?
thats what he did.....palin should follow these family values that worked so well for gingrich
http://news.yahoo.com/s/politico/2009081鈥?/a>Why didnt gingrich advice palin to have an affair while her spouse was in the hospital with cancer?
Foolish questions from foolish people. I would say you ought to be ashamed of your self, but whats the use it's a concept beyond your capability's.Why didnt gingrich advice palin to have an affair while her spouse was in the hospital with cancer?
Or John Edwards and have someone else take the rap as the baby daddy till you got busted and had to admit you be the daddy. Didn't Elizabeth Edwards have cancer.
Because her spouse was never in the hospital with cancer?
The education of Liberals is never truly complete...
Illiterate and inaccurate, you have both of the liberal traits.
Gingrich is a RINO. Sarah is the real conservative deal!
It wasn't an option. Who would sleep with her?
http://news.yahoo.com/s/politico/2009081鈥?/a>Why didnt gingrich advice palin to have an affair while her spouse was in the hospital with cancer?
Foolish questions from foolish people. I would say you ought to be ashamed of your self, but whats the use it's a concept beyond your capability's.Why didnt gingrich advice palin to have an affair while her spouse was in the hospital with cancer?
Or John Edwards and have someone else take the rap as the baby daddy till you got busted and had to admit you be the daddy. Didn't Elizabeth Edwards have cancer.
Because her spouse was never in the hospital with cancer?
The education of Liberals is never truly complete...
Illiterate and inaccurate, you have both of the liberal traits.
Gingrich is a RINO. Sarah is the real conservative deal!
It wasn't an option. Who would sleep with her?
I need some advice asap please this is very important !!! Military > spouse > in distress?
I am married to soldier, and we r divorcing, i moved over 1000 miles away back to where i lived orignally, he beat on me, cause me to miscarriage, lied to me, he went on a whole long story bout being in iraq, when he wasnt there!!!! he chickened out aka threatened to kill himself, he kept took my bank card and alot of other stuff and he was not like this before we got married!!!!!!! he has a girlfriend now i have a boyfriend and he wants to get me on adultry, he said they wont do anything to him, because he is a fort hood soldier, i dont kno is that true????I need some advice asap please this is very important !!! Military %26gt; spouse %26gt; in distress?
Really? I mean really? You are a civilian!!!!!!!! There is nothing he can do to you except file for divorce. I'm not quite sure how he lied about being in Iraq but whatever....bottom line divorce him and move on!!!!!!!!!I need some advice asap please this is very important !!! Military %26gt; spouse %26gt; in distress?
You dont have anything to worry about. He is subject to the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ), you are not. He is not allowed to commit adultery, but you do not have the same rules to follow as he does. He could technically get in trouble for adultery, but probably wont since yall are separated. As far as a Ft. Hood soldier getting special treatment...BS. Just get your divorce started and dont worry about his empty threats.
Assuming you are not in the military, he cannot get you charged w/ adultery. It is not in federal/state law, but it is in the UCMJ (meaning it is only applicable to military members).
I urge you to seek help through the Army for your husband's suicidal ideations as well as the domestic abuse, assuming it is not already documented. The command ombudsman as well as the Family Advocacy Program can help servicemembers and their dependents.
He can't get you for anything. If you have proof of anything he has done to you, police reports and such-then I would totally ruin him..
My husband is here at Ft. Hood too and that makes no difference if he is being a bad husband to you.The army does NOT go for abuse in any sense..
Good luck
If it's that big of an issue, get his chain of command involved. This will ensure that you have some way to keep him off your back. Just remember though this course of action is sure to get him on his commander and first sergeant's radar.
The only way he can get you on adultry is if he has prove and it would really help your case if you have proof also. A lot of the times they only take this stuff if it's something that can be proved.
Really? I mean really? You are a civilian!!!!!!!! There is nothing he can do to you except file for divorce. I'm not quite sure how he lied about being in Iraq but whatever....bottom line divorce him and move on!!!!!!!!!I need some advice asap please this is very important !!! Military %26gt; spouse %26gt; in distress?
You dont have anything to worry about. He is subject to the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ), you are not. He is not allowed to commit adultery, but you do not have the same rules to follow as he does. He could technically get in trouble for adultery, but probably wont since yall are separated. As far as a Ft. Hood soldier getting special treatment...BS. Just get your divorce started and dont worry about his empty threats.
Assuming you are not in the military, he cannot get you charged w/ adultery. It is not in federal/state law, but it is in the UCMJ (meaning it is only applicable to military members).
I urge you to seek help through the Army for your husband's suicidal ideations as well as the domestic abuse, assuming it is not already documented. The command ombudsman as well as the Family Advocacy Program can help servicemembers and their dependents.
He can't get you for anything. If you have proof of anything he has done to you, police reports and such-then I would totally ruin him..
My husband is here at Ft. Hood too and that makes no difference if he is being a bad husband to you.The army does NOT go for abuse in any sense..
Good luck
If it's that big of an issue, get his chain of command involved. This will ensure that you have some way to keep him off your back. Just remember though this course of action is sure to get him on his commander and first sergeant's radar.
The only way he can get you on adultry is if he has prove and it would really help your case if you have proof also. A lot of the times they only take this stuff if it's something that can be proved.
(long story) I am in the military and work with civilians-military spouse, I cant work there anymore. Advice?
(long story) I am in the military and work with civilians-military spouse, I cant work there anymore. Advice?
This is a very long story so if you dont like reading click the back button.
I am in the military and work in an office with civilians, one of them became my best friend, both of our husbands are in the military and used to work together. A soldier past away down range a couple of month ago, Originally my husband was supposed to be the CAO, wich is the person that takes care of the spouse of the deceased paperwork wise and all that stuff. Anyhow I was in school at the time and my husband could not be on that type of duty because he had the kids with him and that duty requires to be available for 24/7. So my friends husband ended up having to do it. It did not go well the thing got complicated for all source of reasons but it seem like this guy liked being away from work and not doing much, back at his regular job, he always found excuses when asked to do something else. Right from the get go he didnt like where he worked one of the reasons why is because he worked for my husband and this guy outranked my husband by promotion date. He thought it was BS but my husband is been here longer and has proven to desrved the position that he was in at the time while this other guy never showd up for work or reported to my husband when asked to do so. The whole unit is going on block leave for 2 weeks and it was put out by the commander that no one would get more days than that. of course my friend and her husband being difficult as they always are, requested 30 days to go back to the states. It got denied by my husband SGM then this civilian (my friend) when up to the brigade SGM who we happen to work for and complain about the whole team where my husbands work, she said that no one likes her husband that everyone is being unfair to him. the brigade CSM called my hubby's SGM and the civilian confronted him and called him a pice of ****, selfish and all kinds of things and he just had to take it. She also talked about the whole team even my husband and made herself and her husband look like the bigest victims. she lied to CSM and told him that the only reason why she wants to go to the states because it may be the last time her husband sees his dad. I know this is a lie she told CSM that her father in law had cancer stage 3 and would posibly die soon, I know this is a lie because she told me he was alot better and that he was going to go to California and that they would met up there. My grandma died from cancer and there is not way a terminal cancer person would travel from Colorado to California. This was one of the most horrible lies among all. After I heard all that had happened I was kind of angry at her because one she disappointed me, and two I realized that she is that type of person that would do anything and step over anyone even her friends to get what she wants. This whole situation has gotten out of control I cant work with her anymore because im tired of hearing her talking **** about my husbands team and everyone in it. She deals with the units evaluations and she finds any little thing that she can use against them and takes it to CSM because for some reason she is got him on her pocket (she also uses her looks to get what she wants). We don't talk anymore and my desk is right next to her she has made everyone life miserable, including mine even though I had nothing to do with the situation. Today was the bottom line I heard her talking once again talking about this with CSM and i got mad and my son was woth me so i got up my desk and was about to walk outside before i did something stupid CSM notice there was something wrong with me and asked ';whats wrong with you'; and i told him I just neede a break the my ex-friend said ';she just gets offended when I talk about her husband SGM'; then I left, One of my SGTs came to get me later and told me that she complained about me with my other SGT and that she told her ';she did it again, she stormed out of here with her child and disrespected CSM'; the last part was a lie I think if I would have disrespected the Command Sergeant Major he would have put me on my place. The bottom line she is got everyone on her side, everyone believes her and she wont stop. I cant work there any more. One of my SGTs is on my side but not the highest ranking one. She has put everyone she knows against my hubbys team and me. She is one of those people that is very outgoing and people are attracted to her but I know her and I know that in the inside she is an ugly mean person. one time swhe evens said that she was going to get her family to do something to my hubbys SGM because her family were criminals and that she had MY hubbys SGM address. That he didn't know who he was messing with. I dont know what to do I dont care if she gets what she want obviously things are not going to change and she is going to keep messing with peoples paperwork and stuff just because of persona(long story) I am in the military and work with civilians-military spouse, I cant work there anymore. Advice?
Advice is she is not your friend, because a true friend wouldn't do this. If everyone is believing her over you then it is a problem. Go speak to the IG about this because it isn't an issue that is just affecting you it is now affecting everyone. If you have documented proof then use it, if you have other evidence use it. If one of your SGT is on your side then make sure you talk to him/her and have them go with you to IG or be prepared to make a statement about it.(long story) I am in the military and work with civilians-military spouse, I cant work there anymore. Advice?
Have you addressed your concerns with your CoC? Not that they can do much, though. She's a civilian, so it's not like they are going to place her anywhere else. At most they will ask her to lay off, but then she may be ';catty'; and use that against you in day to day work activities.
When is your tour up? Unless you can get reassigned elsewhere, it may be that all you can really do is wait it out until it's time to ETS or PCS. In the mean time, just go there, do your job and try best to ignore her. This won't be the first time you encounter a difficult co-worker, military or civilian.
Where is the question in that? I don't think someone can tell you how to deal with a situation like that. Female drama. Sounds like you're frustrated and fed up and I sympathize, but I don't think the people around you want to be involved in the situation. I know I wouldn't want to be. Talk to people who matter and ignore her. She'll get bored eventually and move on to the next victim.
do a background check on this women, and get her threats on a recording, and go to IG and EO come on female we as women ahve these options, as a civilian empolyee you have these, you cn talk to a chaplain to chill out. I worked with women in my unit who were fuckign the 1SGT and they were getting rank and I was not. There are always 2 sides to every story, so if she is reallyu threatenignyou call the MP's to your work site.
Not sure what the question was. She is not her friend. Stay away from her and everyone is already aware of her husband because they put him in charge. Watch your own back and avoid them as much as possible.
This is a very long story so if you dont like reading click the back button.
I am in the military and work in an office with civilians, one of them became my best friend, both of our husbands are in the military and used to work together. A soldier past away down range a couple of month ago, Originally my husband was supposed to be the CAO, wich is the person that takes care of the spouse of the deceased paperwork wise and all that stuff. Anyhow I was in school at the time and my husband could not be on that type of duty because he had the kids with him and that duty requires to be available for 24/7. So my friends husband ended up having to do it. It did not go well the thing got complicated for all source of reasons but it seem like this guy liked being away from work and not doing much, back at his regular job, he always found excuses when asked to do something else. Right from the get go he didnt like where he worked one of the reasons why is because he worked for my husband and this guy outranked my husband by promotion date. He thought it was BS but my husband is been here longer and has proven to desrved the position that he was in at the time while this other guy never showd up for work or reported to my husband when asked to do so. The whole unit is going on block leave for 2 weeks and it was put out by the commander that no one would get more days than that. of course my friend and her husband being difficult as they always are, requested 30 days to go back to the states. It got denied by my husband SGM then this civilian (my friend) when up to the brigade SGM who we happen to work for and complain about the whole team where my husbands work, she said that no one likes her husband that everyone is being unfair to him. the brigade CSM called my hubby's SGM and the civilian confronted him and called him a pice of ****, selfish and all kinds of things and he just had to take it. She also talked about the whole team even my husband and made herself and her husband look like the bigest victims. she lied to CSM and told him that the only reason why she wants to go to the states because it may be the last time her husband sees his dad. I know this is a lie she told CSM that her father in law had cancer stage 3 and would posibly die soon, I know this is a lie because she told me he was alot better and that he was going to go to California and that they would met up there. My grandma died from cancer and there is not way a terminal cancer person would travel from Colorado to California. This was one of the most horrible lies among all. After I heard all that had happened I was kind of angry at her because one she disappointed me, and two I realized that she is that type of person that would do anything and step over anyone even her friends to get what she wants. This whole situation has gotten out of control I cant work with her anymore because im tired of hearing her talking **** about my husbands team and everyone in it. She deals with the units evaluations and she finds any little thing that she can use against them and takes it to CSM because for some reason she is got him on her pocket (she also uses her looks to get what she wants). We don't talk anymore and my desk is right next to her she has made everyone life miserable, including mine even though I had nothing to do with the situation. Today was the bottom line I heard her talking once again talking about this with CSM and i got mad and my son was woth me so i got up my desk and was about to walk outside before i did something stupid CSM notice there was something wrong with me and asked ';whats wrong with you'; and i told him I just neede a break the my ex-friend said ';she just gets offended when I talk about her husband SGM'; then I left, One of my SGTs came to get me later and told me that she complained about me with my other SGT and that she told her ';she did it again, she stormed out of here with her child and disrespected CSM'; the last part was a lie I think if I would have disrespected the Command Sergeant Major he would have put me on my place. The bottom line she is got everyone on her side, everyone believes her and she wont stop. I cant work there any more. One of my SGTs is on my side but not the highest ranking one. She has put everyone she knows against my hubbys team and me. She is one of those people that is very outgoing and people are attracted to her but I know her and I know that in the inside she is an ugly mean person. one time swhe evens said that she was going to get her family to do something to my hubbys SGM because her family were criminals and that she had MY hubbys SGM address. That he didn't know who he was messing with. I dont know what to do I dont care if she gets what she want obviously things are not going to change and she is going to keep messing with peoples paperwork and stuff just because of persona(long story) I am in the military and work with civilians-military spouse, I cant work there anymore. Advice?
Advice is she is not your friend, because a true friend wouldn't do this. If everyone is believing her over you then it is a problem. Go speak to the IG about this because it isn't an issue that is just affecting you it is now affecting everyone. If you have documented proof then use it, if you have other evidence use it. If one of your SGT is on your side then make sure you talk to him/her and have them go with you to IG or be prepared to make a statement about it.(long story) I am in the military and work with civilians-military spouse, I cant work there anymore. Advice?
Have you addressed your concerns with your CoC? Not that they can do much, though. She's a civilian, so it's not like they are going to place her anywhere else. At most they will ask her to lay off, but then she may be ';catty'; and use that against you in day to day work activities.
When is your tour up? Unless you can get reassigned elsewhere, it may be that all you can really do is wait it out until it's time to ETS or PCS. In the mean time, just go there, do your job and try best to ignore her. This won't be the first time you encounter a difficult co-worker, military or civilian.
Where is the question in that? I don't think someone can tell you how to deal with a situation like that. Female drama. Sounds like you're frustrated and fed up and I sympathize, but I don't think the people around you want to be involved in the situation. I know I wouldn't want to be. Talk to people who matter and ignore her. She'll get bored eventually and move on to the next victim.
do a background check on this women, and get her threats on a recording, and go to IG and EO come on female we as women ahve these options, as a civilian empolyee you have these, you cn talk to a chaplain to chill out. I worked with women in my unit who were fuckign the 1SGT and they were getting rank and I was not. There are always 2 sides to every story, so if she is reallyu threatenignyou call the MP's to your work site.
Not sure what the question was. She is not her friend. Stay away from her and everyone is already aware of her husband because they put him in charge. Watch your own back and avoid them as much as possible.
Want to move to Ireland from the US with a spouse. Need advice/real-world stories.?
My boyfriend (of 8 years) has recieved a job offer from a Hospital near Dublin. He wants to go, but we are having a hard time making the decision.
Our major concern is getting me there. We decided the best thing would be to get married before he goes and then for me to apply for a ';Visa for the purposes of family reunification';.
But, I've read different restrictions about him needing to have worked there for at least a year, or be able to provide three consecutive paychecks with my application to prove that he can support me. Both of these options would take too long.
I don't want to go through the hassle of selling our house/car/belongings and the family drama with moving there, if it takes me 8 months to get there (2-passport, 4-get paycheck proof, 2-visa). Especially if he's only there for 2 years.
Has anyone here went through this already?...if so, can you tell me about your experience with the process and about how long it took for the spouse to actually get there?Want to move to Ireland from the US with a spouse. Need advice/real-world stories.?
Do you intend to work in Ireland while you are there? Because that changes things. If you only want to live there it will be easier. Your best bet is to contact your local Irish Consolate in the US or the Embassy in Washington, D.C. and you will be given exact info there. No matter how many people give you their opinions, this is where you'll end up going in the end.
Often pay check proof can be done by a copy of a contract which will show his salary.
Our major concern is getting me there. We decided the best thing would be to get married before he goes and then for me to apply for a ';Visa for the purposes of family reunification';.
But, I've read different restrictions about him needing to have worked there for at least a year, or be able to provide three consecutive paychecks with my application to prove that he can support me. Both of these options would take too long.
I don't want to go through the hassle of selling our house/car/belongings and the family drama with moving there, if it takes me 8 months to get there (2-passport, 4-get paycheck proof, 2-visa). Especially if he's only there for 2 years.
Has anyone here went through this already?...if so, can you tell me about your experience with the process and about how long it took for the spouse to actually get there?Want to move to Ireland from the US with a spouse. Need advice/real-world stories.?
Do you intend to work in Ireland while you are there? Because that changes things. If you only want to live there it will be easier. Your best bet is to contact your local Irish Consolate in the US or the Embassy in Washington, D.C. and you will be given exact info there. No matter how many people give you their opinions, this is where you'll end up going in the end.
Often pay check proof can be done by a copy of a contract which will show his salary.
Seeking advice from those who have already sponsored a spouse from Mexico?
NOTE: PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND WITH RACIST REMARKS OR IGNORANT REPLIES.
Hello!
I am a US citizen getting ready to get married to my boyfriend and I was wondering (off the record, from REAL people, not what the USCIS has listed on their website) if anyone has gone through the interview process and knows what types of documents are required when you are interviewed by the USCIS.
I am just super paranoid that our application will be denied because we did something wrong. So far, we live together and have joint bank accounts, and we aren't married yet.
If anyone can offer REAL tips from personal experiences, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!!!Seeking advice from those who have already sponsored a spouse from Mexico?
I have gone through this with my wife you can email me to ask more questions.
First get a lawyer, is unavoidable me and wife tried to do it on our own. but came to the conclusion that we needed a lawyer.
this is a list of what you will need. there might be a few items missing but everything i list you will need:
Passports yours and his
Marriage certificate
Pictures of both of you lots and lots
Birth certificates yours and his
SS card yours
Lease, mortgage something that says you live together
School records
MONEY
sit down and ask your future spouse if he has ever been in trouble with the law, here or there. Beg him to tell you the truth it is the breaking point of his case. Ask him to volunteer for community service, have him do anything to prove he will be a good resident.
Ok here is how my case went yours will be similar
I petitioned for my wife after filling the paperwork they asked us to go to Jaurez Mexico. There we would have an interview that would determine if our mariage was fake or not. After that they banned my wife from the United States for 10 years. (they will do the same to your husband) We were ready for that and had our lawyer draw up the paperwork for our waiver paper that does what is sounds like waived the 10 year bad. In that waiver we had to prove that without my wife I would not be able to make it or sustain my marriage.
We had to live in Jaurez for a couple months but everything worked out. Now, both me and my wife are back in school and a promising members of our community. At the end of the year she'll have her degree and i'll start mine.
This will test your relationship and in total will cost you around 10,000.00 dallars just a heads up.Seeking advice from those who have already sponsored a spouse from Mexico?
It doesn't get more real than those on www.immigrate2us.net can tell. Many are in the same situation as you are. Come on over, we can help you understand the process.
Consult a lawyer, if you have problems with the law it is better to consult a lawyer. check out the website www.smf.juarez-mexico.com I am the member APhillips26. It will guide you through the process.
Hello!
I am a US citizen getting ready to get married to my boyfriend and I was wondering (off the record, from REAL people, not what the USCIS has listed on their website) if anyone has gone through the interview process and knows what types of documents are required when you are interviewed by the USCIS.
I am just super paranoid that our application will be denied because we did something wrong. So far, we live together and have joint bank accounts, and we aren't married yet.
If anyone can offer REAL tips from personal experiences, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!!!Seeking advice from those who have already sponsored a spouse from Mexico?
I have gone through this with my wife you can email me to ask more questions.
First get a lawyer, is unavoidable me and wife tried to do it on our own. but came to the conclusion that we needed a lawyer.
this is a list of what you will need. there might be a few items missing but everything i list you will need:
Passports yours and his
Marriage certificate
Pictures of both of you lots and lots
Birth certificates yours and his
SS card yours
Lease, mortgage something that says you live together
School records
MONEY
sit down and ask your future spouse if he has ever been in trouble with the law, here or there. Beg him to tell you the truth it is the breaking point of his case. Ask him to volunteer for community service, have him do anything to prove he will be a good resident.
Ok here is how my case went yours will be similar
I petitioned for my wife after filling the paperwork they asked us to go to Jaurez Mexico. There we would have an interview that would determine if our mariage was fake or not. After that they banned my wife from the United States for 10 years. (they will do the same to your husband) We were ready for that and had our lawyer draw up the paperwork for our waiver paper that does what is sounds like waived the 10 year bad. In that waiver we had to prove that without my wife I would not be able to make it or sustain my marriage.
We had to live in Jaurez for a couple months but everything worked out. Now, both me and my wife are back in school and a promising members of our community. At the end of the year she'll have her degree and i'll start mine.
This will test your relationship and in total will cost you around 10,000.00 dallars just a heads up.Seeking advice from those who have already sponsored a spouse from Mexico?
It doesn't get more real than those on www.immigrate2us.net can tell. Many are in the same situation as you are. Come on over, we can help you understand the process.
Consult a lawyer, if you have problems with the law it is better to consult a lawyer. check out the website www.smf.juarez-mexico.com I am the member APhillips26. It will guide you through the process.
Men or women,does your spouse say i dont care alot? Help need advice!!!?
My spouse has a real laid back attitude. When we got married i asked would you marry me. I got an answer but it wasn't the one i was looking for,I got i don't care whatever you want to do. It is even when we go out to eat. Its i dont care what ever you want or it doesnt matter to me. It so bad now that he even come out and told me that he just dont care about much. im starting to think he doesnt even care about our marrige and we have only been together for 5 years and married for 3.Does anybody have advice for me?Men or women,does your spouse say i dont care alot? Help need advice!!!?
No body on yahoo answers will Truly ever be able to help you with this. You need to talk to your spouse and tell him how you feel.Men or women,does your spouse say i dont care alot? Help need advice!!!?
When I go out with my girlfriend I don't care were we go or what we do, as long as I can be with her it is fine by me.
Your spouse though sounds weird, he did not care if you got married? I can understand not caring when, where, or how you get married (I never cared nor even really thought of the whole church and reception thing, to me, a wedding at a courthouse is as meaningful as a wedding in a church) But to not care if you get married is strange.
How was his home life growing up? Has he had a lot of disappointments? Do you make him feel special? Are you a control freak? Do you argue with him when he does make a decision? Sounds like he doesn't fight for his right to be heard because he wouldn't do any good anyway so he just says, ';whatever or I don't care'; The ';I don't care'; part is a clue to how he feels. You need to find out why he doesn't care, and then tell him he really matters to you.
AND you KNEW hw was laid back BEFORE you married him but you did anyway. What, did you think he would suddenly just change?
If you think he does not care about your marriage, then you need to tell him that and give him the chance to change OR suggest you get counseling. If that does not wake him up nothing will, and you will either have to learn to live with it or leave.
Thats crazy, I don't know how you could be with a guy that doesn't care, but it looks like he likes to be controled and goes along with whatever. Try to to talk to him about how that makes you feel when he says that, it sounds like you guys have a communication problem. try to figure out what he cares about and try to make him be more of a man than a kid.
that totally sounds like me. we have been together 5 and married for 3 too! crazy. any way, my hubby is totally laid back and it sometimes drives me crazy. everything i say, his answer is ok. omg. then i feel like he doesnt tell me what he wants. the worst is big conversations like having kids. i always feels like he doesnt care about things.guys just sometimes feel like theyre being attacked when we ask them a hundred questions. its almost like they have to put up a guard/shield to everything we say. i dont know either im confused sorry.
You need to get the book, ';the rules';. I don't think he was ever that into you in the first place. If a woman has to ask the guy to marry her - it's not a good thing. Especially if the response was the one you got.
Try this - distance yourself and find some hobbies. See if he tries to make the marriage work. If he does, great. But I doubt it. You set it up this way from the beginning.
My husband does this all the time. It severely pi**es me off. Isn't it lovely living with apathy! We had a serious chat about it and now we make an effort to make sure that he is contributing. Tell him that you need a man, someone who has opinions and a companion whom you can share and embrace life. If you had wanted what you have now you would have gotten a pet mouse.
I hate when people say ';I don't care'; or ';whatever you want to do'; or ';I'm good with whatever'; in general. They're just too damn agreeable and always leave other people to make their decisions.
If you start making ridiculous decisions, he's going to have to voice his opinion eventually.
Yes make him make decisions or you will find yourself making all the decisions. It seems to me that he doesn't have a mind of his own. Make him use it. Ask him do you want a divorce if he says I don't care Than say good get the h _ _ _ out that might jolt him. If not than your going to have t take drastic measures. That would drive me crazy.
Yeah,
Where's the passion in your life? It isn't with the I-don't-care guy; he sounds kinda dead inside. He's a shade. So, take a poetry class, join a climbing club, have an affair, get back into life. Do it quickly, lady, please. If you don't soon you'll be dead inside, just another shade!
Yeah, some people are just very passive. I dated a guy like that and it drove me nuts, and when I broke it off he had no clue what he did wrong. He didn't do anything wrong, just the way he was, made the hair stand up on my back.
He gave you his stock don't care response from the get go...You knew he didn't care about much. What's the problem now? Can't change the rules once the game has started.
Sounds like he is whipped. He`s at the ';yes dear'; stage early on. What , or who,, caused this?
Hmmmmm......black heads
No body on yahoo answers will Truly ever be able to help you with this. You need to talk to your spouse and tell him how you feel.Men or women,does your spouse say i dont care alot? Help need advice!!!?
When I go out with my girlfriend I don't care were we go or what we do, as long as I can be with her it is fine by me.
Your spouse though sounds weird, he did not care if you got married? I can understand not caring when, where, or how you get married (I never cared nor even really thought of the whole church and reception thing, to me, a wedding at a courthouse is as meaningful as a wedding in a church) But to not care if you get married is strange.
How was his home life growing up? Has he had a lot of disappointments? Do you make him feel special? Are you a control freak? Do you argue with him when he does make a decision? Sounds like he doesn't fight for his right to be heard because he wouldn't do any good anyway so he just says, ';whatever or I don't care'; The ';I don't care'; part is a clue to how he feels. You need to find out why he doesn't care, and then tell him he really matters to you.
AND you KNEW hw was laid back BEFORE you married him but you did anyway. What, did you think he would suddenly just change?
If you think he does not care about your marriage, then you need to tell him that and give him the chance to change OR suggest you get counseling. If that does not wake him up nothing will, and you will either have to learn to live with it or leave.
Thats crazy, I don't know how you could be with a guy that doesn't care, but it looks like he likes to be controled and goes along with whatever. Try to to talk to him about how that makes you feel when he says that, it sounds like you guys have a communication problem. try to figure out what he cares about and try to make him be more of a man than a kid.
that totally sounds like me. we have been together 5 and married for 3 too! crazy. any way, my hubby is totally laid back and it sometimes drives me crazy. everything i say, his answer is ok. omg. then i feel like he doesnt tell me what he wants. the worst is big conversations like having kids. i always feels like he doesnt care about things.guys just sometimes feel like theyre being attacked when we ask them a hundred questions. its almost like they have to put up a guard/shield to everything we say. i dont know either im confused sorry.
You need to get the book, ';the rules';. I don't think he was ever that into you in the first place. If a woman has to ask the guy to marry her - it's not a good thing. Especially if the response was the one you got.
Try this - distance yourself and find some hobbies. See if he tries to make the marriage work. If he does, great. But I doubt it. You set it up this way from the beginning.
My husband does this all the time. It severely pi**es me off. Isn't it lovely living with apathy! We had a serious chat about it and now we make an effort to make sure that he is contributing. Tell him that you need a man, someone who has opinions and a companion whom you can share and embrace life. If you had wanted what you have now you would have gotten a pet mouse.
I hate when people say ';I don't care'; or ';whatever you want to do'; or ';I'm good with whatever'; in general. They're just too damn agreeable and always leave other people to make their decisions.
If you start making ridiculous decisions, he's going to have to voice his opinion eventually.
Yes make him make decisions or you will find yourself making all the decisions. It seems to me that he doesn't have a mind of his own. Make him use it. Ask him do you want a divorce if he says I don't care Than say good get the h _ _ _ out that might jolt him. If not than your going to have t take drastic measures. That would drive me crazy.
Yeah,
Where's the passion in your life? It isn't with the I-don't-care guy; he sounds kinda dead inside. He's a shade. So, take a poetry class, join a climbing club, have an affair, get back into life. Do it quickly, lady, please. If you don't soon you'll be dead inside, just another shade!
Yeah, some people are just very passive. I dated a guy like that and it drove me nuts, and when I broke it off he had no clue what he did wrong. He didn't do anything wrong, just the way he was, made the hair stand up on my back.
He gave you his stock don't care response from the get go...You knew he didn't care about much. What's the problem now? Can't change the rules once the game has started.
Sounds like he is whipped. He`s at the ';yes dear'; stage early on. What , or who,, caused this?
Hmmmmm......
I'm separated from my spouse. But I don't want to be. Help? Advice?
I've had a rollercoaster of a life over the last ten years, ended up going mad, sleep deprivation (too many kids at once oops)and many other traumas but I'm aware of the feelings I have for this man. He is a royal pain in the rrs but I cannot stop thinking about him lately. We separated a year ago or so, and its been bitter, so how do get this man out of my head?? And my heart? Or make him aware that he's still there and ask him to return to me? We split for good reason - I hated the sight of him and it was mutual, but trying to be nice for the sake of the kids isn't working. We seem to find it impossible to just talk to eachother. Its so sad. Any advice from sensible people greatly appreciated.I'm separated from my spouse. But I don't want to be. Help? Advice?
Ooh dear sounds like your trapped ,its not this man you want back its a memory of what you once had.You need time and if possible new Friends to get you out of this rut and who knows whats round the corner.Be lucky and look after the kids.I'm separated from my spouse. But I don't want to be. Help? Advice?
You ';hated the sight of him';, you ';split for good reason'; and ';he is a royal pain in the rrs';
yeah, I can see why you want him back.
Always!! always!! follow your heart because it is always right
Sounds very familiar, from experience you both have to want to give it a go , not just for the kids but for yourselfs, you both need to look at your relationship and look past the hurt and pain, forget everything that happened whatever it may be , and talk talk talk, communicate, you need to know why he reacts in certian ways to certian things,how it effects him , men think and feel and react very different than women ,so you need to explain the same things to him..........when you do this i feel.........when you say this to me i feel like............If he is willing and open you should both be able to put your guards down and talk about yourselfs, and how issues over the years have slowly torn away your marraige.Look at the cause, money?kids?power struggle? loss of identity? You were two to start off with, the kids will grow up and get married one day and have their own life, who will you have,is it worth it to work it out, it is a hard process , but past issues must be the past and you should look at a future togeather, never bring up past events that will hurt one another, this only leads to guilt, then resentment , anger , then arguements. No one likes to be reminded of their faults. The only time you should bring up past failers is when you are explaining how you felt , how you delt with it and how you loved him and was so hurt, and that hurt maybe led to frustration, then anger and resentment.Dont tell him what an *** you thought he was never name call it gets you no where exept more hurt and frustrated .NOW you are ready to find out how he feels how certian issues affected him , maybe he felt bad, and still feels bad, maybe you both still love each other, but these bad feelings have taken over your life.You need to look at each other with forgiveness and for the future, not the past, you cant change what happened, but you can plan for the future, its all about forgivness and forgetting.Anger , revenge and resentment can take over your life it is like poison that eats you up, the only cure is to let go forgive and put it in the past and move on, learn from the past live for the future, you can both be happy togeather again, remember you were once before !!Good luck.
When you are in a situation like your and have children. It is so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you want this person, who in your own admission is a pain, you find impossible to talk to and you hate the sight of.
You have got into a habit of being with them rather than being in a true and fruitful relationship. You are going to have to break the habit. You need to ask yourself why? you want to be with this person. You need to look at what alternatives you can do with you life instead of setting yourself up for a downfall with this person. Look at the reasons why you meet up with him and avoid it.
sorry to say but if you take him back all the old feelings will return and you will hate him even moor the best way is to stay on your own for a bit longer then find somebody new but don't jump into a new relationship just yet or you will find you are still to involved with your past and wont be able to put enough into your new relationship and that will fail
just give it time you are grieving right now
%26lt;We split for good reason - I hated the sight of him and it was mutual%26gt;
There are people you just can't have a good relationship with because they're unable or unwilling to give you want you want. It is very hurtful sometimes.
You may be lonely now and he seems like a good option because there is no one else in the picture to fill the void. I would keep the lines of communications open (I am assuming that your kids are his too?) and be respectful of him and move slowly and cautiously. Whatever YOU were doing to hurt the relationship (forget about what HE did; that's something he has to address) , stop doing it and make it clear that you're willing to do your part to get off on a new footing with him. But not even Superman can carry a relationship alone.
Hang in there. Life can be good.
try going to relate by yourself first and then together
Ooh dear sounds like your trapped ,its not this man you want back its a memory of what you once had.You need time and if possible new Friends to get you out of this rut and who knows whats round the corner.Be lucky and look after the kids.I'm separated from my spouse. But I don't want to be. Help? Advice?
You ';hated the sight of him';, you ';split for good reason'; and ';he is a royal pain in the rrs';
yeah, I can see why you want him back.
Always!! always!! follow your heart because it is always right
Sounds very familiar, from experience you both have to want to give it a go , not just for the kids but for yourselfs, you both need to look at your relationship and look past the hurt and pain, forget everything that happened whatever it may be , and talk talk talk, communicate, you need to know why he reacts in certian ways to certian things,how it effects him , men think and feel and react very different than women ,so you need to explain the same things to him..........when you do this i feel.........when you say this to me i feel like............If he is willing and open you should both be able to put your guards down and talk about yourselfs, and how issues over the years have slowly torn away your marraige.Look at the cause, money?kids?power struggle? loss of identity? You were two to start off with, the kids will grow up and get married one day and have their own life, who will you have,is it worth it to work it out, it is a hard process , but past issues must be the past and you should look at a future togeather, never bring up past events that will hurt one another, this only leads to guilt, then resentment , anger , then arguements. No one likes to be reminded of their faults. The only time you should bring up past failers is when you are explaining how you felt , how you delt with it and how you loved him and was so hurt, and that hurt maybe led to frustration, then anger and resentment.Dont tell him what an *** you thought he was never name call it gets you no where exept more hurt and frustrated .NOW you are ready to find out how he feels how certian issues affected him , maybe he felt bad, and still feels bad, maybe you both still love each other, but these bad feelings have taken over your life.You need to look at each other with forgiveness and for the future, not the past, you cant change what happened, but you can plan for the future, its all about forgivness and forgetting.Anger , revenge and resentment can take over your life it is like poison that eats you up, the only cure is to let go forgive and put it in the past and move on, learn from the past live for the future, you can both be happy togeather again, remember you were once before !!Good luck.
When you are in a situation like your and have children. It is so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you want this person, who in your own admission is a pain, you find impossible to talk to and you hate the sight of.
You have got into a habit of being with them rather than being in a true and fruitful relationship. You are going to have to break the habit. You need to ask yourself why? you want to be with this person. You need to look at what alternatives you can do with you life instead of setting yourself up for a downfall with this person. Look at the reasons why you meet up with him and avoid it.
sorry to say but if you take him back all the old feelings will return and you will hate him even moor the best way is to stay on your own for a bit longer then find somebody new but don't jump into a new relationship just yet or you will find you are still to involved with your past and wont be able to put enough into your new relationship and that will fail
just give it time you are grieving right now
%26lt;We split for good reason - I hated the sight of him and it was mutual%26gt;
There are people you just can't have a good relationship with because they're unable or unwilling to give you want you want. It is very hurtful sometimes.
You may be lonely now and he seems like a good option because there is no one else in the picture to fill the void. I would keep the lines of communications open (I am assuming that your kids are his too?) and be respectful of him and move slowly and cautiously. Whatever YOU were doing to hurt the relationship (forget about what HE did; that's something he has to address) , stop doing it and make it clear that you're willing to do your part to get off on a new footing with him. But not even Superman can carry a relationship alone.
Hang in there. Life can be good.
try going to relate by yourself first and then together
Need help...any advice on how to be nicer to spouse?
My husband and I have been married a little over a year. Ever since our daughter was born, we seem to be just not nice to each other anymore. He irritates me and i irritate him. We try to be nice, but it's like we forget sometimes. like i will answer him sassy. and he will too. I know we're both tired but we shouldnt treat each other badly. We argue and then we try to talk things through, but most times, if i tell him how I feel about something, he gets annoyed because ';i;m making him feel bad.'; then when he wants to say something, he tells me how something i did or said makes him feel, i will say ';thats not waht i meant'; he tells me but thats how you made me feel. its like he can tell me but if i tell him i'm making him feel bad.
any constructive advice on how to get along better and just be nicer? thank youNeed help...any advice on how to be nicer to spouse?
Try sitting down and talking with him about everything that you just posted. Tell him that you don't think it's fair or equal that he is allowed to say things to you, but when you tell him how you are feeling he says that you are making him feel bad. Tell him that part of being a couple is being open and honest - if you bottle up all of your feelings inside then things will never be worked out; in fact they will just keep building up. Let him know that you will try to say things to him in a more constructive manner, if he listens to what you have to say without getting upset about it. It's just the way you feel.
Things need to be equal in a relationship; otherwise you feel how you are feeling right now - it's not a matter of being nicer, it's a matter of him just listening to what you have to say. You are probably being so ';sassy'; with him because you feel you don't ever get to say what you want without him jumping all over you. Need help...any advice on how to be nicer to spouse?
Sometimes you just have to laugh off the b*tchiness. When I get really snappy with my husband he'll come right close to me, put his finger in my face, and say ';don't sass me girl';. But he always has a smirk when he says it. Or he'll try to karate chop me. It's stupid but it makes me laugh. If he just snapped back at me it would never end. One of you just needs to lighten up %26amp; learn how to laugh at each other when you're bitchy.
Time to grow up and stop playing games. Try and be nice to him for 1 day and see what happens. If it continues divorce so your child doesnt have to listen to the both of you and continue the disfunction in their relationships when he or she grows up.
Just give it time. When people are new parents they become overwhelmed. This happens a lot! But remember the reason why you guys got married and have a baby. The baby is the proof of your love. Be patient, and if necessary bite your tongue. We say things we don't mean when we're really upset. So good luck to you.
You both need to sit down and talk about what is bothering you. Maybe spend some time alone away from your kid. It sounds like your both stressed to the max.
Couples counseling. A new baby puts a strain on a couple. The two of you need to learn how to work together again.
Sometimes, silence is golden. The dynamics of the situation has changed. Your lives have changed dramatically since the birth of your daughter. You may want to go to counseling if that will help. You need to listen to each other without interrupting each other. You both have valid feelings. How something is perceived by the other is what is real to them no matter how you meant whatever it was you said. Sometimes it is not only what you say but how you say it. The tone of your voice, the inflection of the tone. It may sound nit picky, but it matters. Arguing and treating each other like this around the baby is not good for her. Babies pick up on many things that we have no idea about. You don't want her living in a ';war zone'; do you? If for no other reason, figure this out for her sake.
You guys should both read that book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. In relationships she says it's important to really focus on the positive in each other and look past the negative, even keeping a daily journal of all of the reasons why you love your partner and are grateful they are in your life. It's not like the bad will just fade away, but if you are both wanting to change and participate in this, it can do wonders for your relationship. Also, look at your child and realize you guys are a family now, how powerful is that? Good luck!
What do you want your daughter to grow up seeing?
I thought I would never be able to be around my ex but now we sit together, with his wife , at school functions and celebrate the kids birthdays at my house instead of spliting the day. Good thing too, my daughter just had a terrible accident and surgery and if we had been fighting we wouldn't have been able to solve all the insurance stuff, let alone stand by her hospital bed and offer comfort.
You have to think about your daughter's needs and right to have both parents. It is very hard to stop focusing on your anger and show a united front to her.
get divorced, you will get along just fine then
any constructive advice on how to get along better and just be nicer? thank youNeed help...any advice on how to be nicer to spouse?
Try sitting down and talking with him about everything that you just posted. Tell him that you don't think it's fair or equal that he is allowed to say things to you, but when you tell him how you are feeling he says that you are making him feel bad. Tell him that part of being a couple is being open and honest - if you bottle up all of your feelings inside then things will never be worked out; in fact they will just keep building up. Let him know that you will try to say things to him in a more constructive manner, if he listens to what you have to say without getting upset about it. It's just the way you feel.
Things need to be equal in a relationship; otherwise you feel how you are feeling right now - it's not a matter of being nicer, it's a matter of him just listening to what you have to say. You are probably being so ';sassy'; with him because you feel you don't ever get to say what you want without him jumping all over you. Need help...any advice on how to be nicer to spouse?
Sometimes you just have to laugh off the b*tchiness. When I get really snappy with my husband he'll come right close to me, put his finger in my face, and say ';don't sass me girl';. But he always has a smirk when he says it. Or he'll try to karate chop me. It's stupid but it makes me laugh. If he just snapped back at me it would never end. One of you just needs to lighten up %26amp; learn how to laugh at each other when you're bitchy.
Time to grow up and stop playing games. Try and be nice to him for 1 day and see what happens. If it continues divorce so your child doesnt have to listen to the both of you and continue the disfunction in their relationships when he or she grows up.
Just give it time. When people are new parents they become overwhelmed. This happens a lot! But remember the reason why you guys got married and have a baby. The baby is the proof of your love. Be patient, and if necessary bite your tongue. We say things we don't mean when we're really upset. So good luck to you.
You both need to sit down and talk about what is bothering you. Maybe spend some time alone away from your kid. It sounds like your both stressed to the max.
Couples counseling. A new baby puts a strain on a couple. The two of you need to learn how to work together again.
Sometimes, silence is golden. The dynamics of the situation has changed. Your lives have changed dramatically since the birth of your daughter. You may want to go to counseling if that will help. You need to listen to each other without interrupting each other. You both have valid feelings. How something is perceived by the other is what is real to them no matter how you meant whatever it was you said. Sometimes it is not only what you say but how you say it. The tone of your voice, the inflection of the tone. It may sound nit picky, but it matters. Arguing and treating each other like this around the baby is not good for her. Babies pick up on many things that we have no idea about. You don't want her living in a ';war zone'; do you? If for no other reason, figure this out for her sake.
You guys should both read that book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. In relationships she says it's important to really focus on the positive in each other and look past the negative, even keeping a daily journal of all of the reasons why you love your partner and are grateful they are in your life. It's not like the bad will just fade away, but if you are both wanting to change and participate in this, it can do wonders for your relationship. Also, look at your child and realize you guys are a family now, how powerful is that? Good luck!
What do you want your daughter to grow up seeing?
I thought I would never be able to be around my ex but now we sit together, with his wife , at school functions and celebrate the kids birthdays at my house instead of spliting the day. Good thing too, my daughter just had a terrible accident and surgery and if we had been fighting we wouldn't have been able to solve all the insurance stuff, let alone stand by her hospital bed and offer comfort.
You have to think about your daughter's needs and right to have both parents. It is very hard to stop focusing on your anger and show a united front to her.
get divorced, you will get along just fine then
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