Advice please!! Is it possible to fall back in love with a spouse?

After the honeymoon stage was over and real life started to in our marriage it started to become apparent that my wife and I do not too much in common. Over the next three years I started to realize that while I love my wife and care for her I am not in love with her. I thought that I could find a way to be in love with her, after all I married her I must have been in love with her for me to ask her to marry me, right? I kept these feelings to myself for at least two years thinking that I would fall back in love with her after this or that holiday or event, all the while my wife was sensing that some thing was up and she would do the nicest things for me and they would change the way that I felt on the surface but not in my heart. Like I said I love my wife and care for her I am just not in love with her. Last night she starting to cry and said that she was tiered of hot getting what she needed out of the relationship. I took this opportunity to tell her how I feel. I told her that I tried to keep this from her and to fix this on my own, so I never said anything to her. I am horrible at communication skills I guess most assholes are. I told her that I want to fix this and want to see a counceler to get help, I made the appointment today.





I feel so bad, guilty, like **** that I am not in love with my wife.





IAdvice please!! Is it possible to fall back in love with a spouse?
I say at least you are now being honest and trying not to hurt her! Good for you!! Alot of stupid men would have just left her standing! Good luck and may God bless you both with a new love for each other!! Philippians 4:13 I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.Advice please!! Is it possible to fall back in love with a spouse?
Love isn't a feeling, it is a choice. Simply LOVE your wife. You are imperfect, she is imperfect, and you both choosing to love each other as imperfect people is perfect in itself. When people say they ';Fall out of love,'; means that initial feeling of googoo gaagaa is over and the relationship becomes real work.
I understand how you feel. I love my exhusband, but I am not inlove w/ him. The thoughts of having sex w/ him or of him even touching me,makes me want to puke. My hats off to you for trying counseling. But you cannot help who love or don't love.
true love is neither physical, nor romantic. true love is an acceptance of all that is, has been and will be.





you can get that feeling again
yes its most definitely possible


relationships dont take care of themselves though they need maintainance
This will answer your questions:





http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
It is defiantly worth a try, but after a while if the consuling doesn't work, you can't force it ya know?
Go find a girlfriend and get it over with.
yes and it is worth the effort
Yes.
Ok this might be kind of lame but I was going through the same problem. My husband and I realized how our love has died. It's been really rough but, one day out of the blue I decided to read my horoscope (which I NEVER do) and it read something along the lines a relationship of mine is changing in many ways and the next phase will be ONE of the MANY incarnations of it's life. I realized then and there love does have many lives.





There is no complete end to love. You have to take the effort to love again. I do miss the before marriage love but that died and turned into young married love, then that turned into another matured type of love that just recently died. After a short break from my husband I see now how much I love him and right now how much I want to be with him. I think the feeling is mutual because he looks at me differently now.





So just remember love has many incarnations. Just keep that in mind. You will find a way to love your wife again. Good job on seeking counseling. They usually help you two realize things in your marriage. :)





Good luck!
I don't have an answer for you but like you I am no longer in love with my spouse either. I thought maybe you would find some solace in knowing its just not you! We have been going to marriage counseling for a year now and while it has helped resolve some issues we have been having it has not helped me fall back in love with him. I am not saying this to discourage you from counseling - it can only help! And I applaud you for telling her and trying to change the situation. I did the same and it is not an easy thing to tell someone you love that you are not ';in love with them';.


Keep trying, and when you don't think you can try anymore, give it one more chance. I am still trying and trying and trying... for my husband and my children and me! I was in love with him at one time, right?!? And in a committed, married relationship you must give it all you have to save it. At least that is what I tell myself.


Good luck and dont feel guilty, just try and hopefully you will find that love again.
I know someone in a very similar situation and, contrary to what the others have answered, I don't think that you can force yourself or talk yourself into being in love with someone. You seem to even question whether you were ever in love with her. I think being in love with someone is just something you either are or are not. You do seem to care a lot about her and in that sense you love her, but I doubt that you will ever be in love with her, counseling or not! They are your feelings and it doesn't seem that there has ever been an issue for you to have fallen out of love, it just wasn't ever there to begin with. You need to be completely open and honest with her about that and then the two of you need to decide whether or not you wish to continue on this way, counseling may be able to help with that decision, but I don't think it will help with you falling in love with her!?
You had lust, not love. You wanted sex and got it and you knew what you had to do to get it from this woman. The luster wore off the lust and you were left with a woman who loves you but you really don't know much about her other than sex was good with her. Love and lust both come from the heart, it's just big differnces in the outcomes of each.
I know this is tough situation, but the best thing about it is that you realize that you have a problem and actually WANT to solve it. I have to agree with the guy who said that love is not a feeling, it is a choice. You don't feel a certain way about your wife at this point, but I think you have the potential to turn it around, because you WANT to. You seem to be a caring individual and your marital relationship is obviously important to you, that says so much in itself. Get help and try to change some of the things in your life that are so routine, it may just be that you are in a rut and need to mix things up. I wish you much success!
Sounds to me that by getting counseling you are giving it all that you have to at least try to make the marriage work. Sometimes, even that doesn't work. And it is good you sat down and told your wife how you felt. You never commented if she felt the same way or not. Don't go feeling guilty over something you can't help. To live a life as if you are ';in love'; and actually are not, is a miserable feeling. Especially if you find that you have strong feelings for someone else. If counseling does not work, it probably would be better if you both went your separate ways. Better now than later when children or involved.
You worded this with alot of feeling and I can feel your pain in your question.


I will be in High Hopes that you and the Mrs. can rekindle what was there at one time.


There must be something your missing and counseling will help guide you both to what that is.


You did mention that She would do this and that to try and fix things. You didn't mention that You have tried.........so maybe it's your turn to try harder?





It's great that you do love her and care sometimes this is all that is really needed.


Good Luck to you
i could type this story from her point of view. 12 yrs for me and he never fell back in love. currently he's moving out. but he refused to try, please try for her sake. Do counseling, spend the time with her. Dont stop making love to her. Dont find another woman to confide in. it will end badly. The fact that you are willing to try lets me know that it could have happened for me. all i wanted was him to bring me a flower out of the blue. not jewelry. all i needed was a date once a month. try that for her sake and yours. I wish you luck, i hope you two find forever.
Love waxes and wains as the moon. If you want to make it work, you can but it IS work. You may want to consider marital counseling so as to absolve any issues that are making you feel this way about your wife and also to help her gain more trust in you (because she more than likely doesn't after you confessed that you don't feel the same anymore). It's goot that you WANT to fix it and I hope that she does, too. Find someone ASAP so you can spend the rest of your lives forever happy.
I think counselling will help you. Perhaps you need to look for the things you do have in common and have shared rather than the things you don't. I know it is hard - I have felt the same way...but I think it is possible to fix your marriage... with some help.





Also remember that the ';madly in love'; feeling fades in all relationships and but can be replaced with a different but deeper love based on sharing, friendship and respect.
The first step. Stop being such a man. Us men (yes i am a man) have a hard time communicating our feelings. Being married doesn't change the way you feel about someone. It's subtracting all the thing you did before you were married that changes it. Try dating her. Sounds weird but you loved her before you were married and dating her while you are married keeps the past with the present. DO the things you did before. Be the sweet guy she fell in love with. your feelings will come back. maybe stronger than before. that way when you hit your 10 year anniversary you can renew your vows