I don't know what to do about a cheating spouse...any advice would be appreciated..?

He came home with a hickey and denied everything. Then I found a letter saying 'hey sexy hope you have a good night at work, hope you think of me'. i flipped out and kicked him out. he finally admitted that it was some chick at work but says that it was a one time thing and that it was a stupid mistake. however, i don't know if he is still being completely honest with me about it and is trying to tell me that its my fault that it happened because im a bad wife. we spoke about trying to work it out but this chick is at his job and he still hasn't told me exactly what happened. i love him and feel really lonely at the moment and i dont know what to do because i dont want it to happen again and i can't take how i feel right now but he makes me like feel like the bad guy and gets mad when i am get upset or bring it up to him when i see him. we have a child together and i have been with him since i was 16. i don't know how i can live with him after this but i dont know how to be w/o him..I don't know what to do about a cheating spouse...any advice would be appreciated..?
Sorry, I know how it feels to be cheated on. Especially when it is your spouse who you have known for so long. Unfortunately I don't think you can live with him any longer. I tried to do the forgive and forget thing and she said she was sorry and wanted to make things work. The truth though is once they cross that line you can no longer trust them, and they no longer see that line as being uncrossable. It is very hard to be without the one you love after having been together for so long and sharing so much together, but that person is gone and you are better off without them. The fact that he would blame you for being a bad wife is really disgusting. If he really believed that then he should have said something before and tried to work things out with you. He should have decided to divorce you rather than cheat on you. Personally I think he is a fool who just lost the best thing he will ever have. Go talk to a lawyer and divorce this fool. It will be hard but in the end your life will be so much better and you will be able to try and find a man who will love you and only you.I don't know what to do about a cheating spouse...any advice would be appreciated..?
Why blame yourself? He's responsible for his own actions and sounds sorry....sorry he got caught. Of course you can live without him, he's not the only fish in the sea and there are bigger and better catches.
By taking it one step at a time. Now that you are all grown up, you see why people said that you were too young. Believe me, as hard as it seems now, there are others out there that will treat you better. It's not your fault. If he had truly stopped seeing her, he wouldn't keep attacking you when you bring it up. If he blames you for his mistakes, then maybe you should start thinking about getting away from that abusive environment.
Let him go..You loneliness will go away. Just concentrate on your child and yuorself..
First. YOU CAN live without him.





Second. He is holding out on you. Notes like that don't come from one-time boinks.





Third. Of course you feel lonely. Heartbreak like this can hurt more than a death. With Death the healing can begin. But with Heartbreak, one holds out hope and questions what could have been done, or should be done.





Finally. Even if you are a bad wife, that is no excuse for treating you this way. If I were to ever cheat on my wife she'd slap me silly twice if I suggested it was her fault.





Good luck.
I think you have to decide if you'd feel better without him or with him because I doubt if he's going to stop cheating. If you leave him at least you would have the possibility of finding someone else who would be faithful.
Sorry but if you are going to conitue to even listen to this garbage it not going to get better. His even lies to him self why do you think he could tell you the truth. Best thing to do is to suck it up tough it out and leave him.
You can live without him! And this isn't good for your little one either...You kicked him out? Great! Don't let him come back. You can do a whole lot better, it will be hard at first but time will pass. Stay strong and it will work out. Best of luck.
This must be so hard for you, I'm sorry :( It's hard cos there's no right or wrong thing. I would say 'leave him quick' since there's no point staying with someone whose heart you don't own anymore, and who practially doesn't care if you catch him or not (coming home with a hickey is just mean). Calling you a bad wife is just the icing on the cake, cos he's trying to shift the blame onto you, when in truth if this were the real case (you being a bad wife), he would have definitely mentioned something to you before he was caught out.





Having a child is that big glue that binds though, so it's not so easy to just 'give it up'. Tell him you're lonely, you need him, and ask him what he wants from you. If he still cares, he should listen to you and care about your feelings, and he should tell you what he really wants, even if it is something superficial like 'more nookie'.





If he really doesn't care anymore, he won't even listen and won't even want to bother telling you what he wants. Maybe then it would be time to consider moving on. It seems ridiculous to be asking what HE wants, I know, since he's such an ***, but he won't expect it and maybe it'll open up the lines for some honest conversation.





I'm still young so I don't have the experience to back up this stuff, but I hope it could help and I hope it works out!
Your husband gets mad when you bring it up because he doesn't want to deal with it. He probably is still cheating. Once a cheater always a cheater! But if you have forgiven him and decided to stay with him - then why do you need to bring it up over and over? You need to forget about it - or leave him. If you can't forget and forgive then your marriage wont work out.
if he can lie and cheat, he was not thinking of you and your child. There are a ton of super great guys in the world. Don't let him make you feel bad, you have a right to live too!
Ask him if he's ready to come with you for cunselling if he won't listen to you. Either that or you'll leave. Then do it. It'll hurt for a while, but if he's a cheater he remain one.





I told my ex to leave even though we had an 18 month old son at the time. He was a soldier, and had a terrific amount of 'late duties' to do. The wife is always the last to know....





We hung on for a while, but he didn't change. He subsequently married again, and after 22 years cheated on his second wife, and she told him to go, too. He's now on his fourth relationship. Don't waste your life - tell him to get his act together or go.
The best way to predict future behavior is by past behavior. It is a failing on the part of the person cheating, not you. If he did it once he will do it again especially if he doesn't want to talk about it and blames you. He doesn't OWN HIS BEHAVIOR so he will not change. You cannot change what you don't acknowledge. How many ways can you say the same thing. He has to earn your trust again and until he takes responsibility for his own actions I wouldn't trust him for anything!!!!!!!!
I knew what you mean i went through the same thing. I was with my boyfriend since I was 14 and he cheated. I saw everything. But even with all that going on I asked my self can I forgive him. I moved out for a couple of days to give us space and think. I relized that our love is stronger than that.But dont get me wrong you dont have to live together to be together . But you two have to talk to each other put everything on the line let him know how you feel. Then start going out and making your self happy let him know you can make your self happy.
leave for a month if that dont get it nothing will i know my wife left for 30 min. i came crowling back with a bmw
I feel your pain. Been there. I finally did divorce my husband because I believe without trust you don't have any thing. I too had a daughter with him and that makes things even harder. I also believe oncea cheater always a cheater. My ex did it to me time and time again. I put up with it for 4 years and now am scared to get too envolved with any one. I think cheating is the worst hurt a person can feel besides the death of a loved one. I wish I had left mine sooner because I stayed for soooo long I think emotionally it made things worse for me and make it harder to trust the next one. If he really is being honest with you and it was just a one time thing and he learned from it, suggest counseling. If he is willing to go then there may be hoope to work things out. Best of luck and hope things turn out better for u than they did for me. If he could finda new job doing the same thing or something else away from that chic would help ease things a little too if u decide to stick it out. The more he is willing to do for u to prove to u that he wants to be with you the better I think your chances are of making it work and being a happy family. My sister went through this also and they did counseling and doing great. Happiest couple I've seen in a long time. There is hope if he is willing.